Butch Jamie

Day of Decision part 2

2009-06-06T00:08:00.000-07:00

Here are a few more photos from the rally/protest last week -

A special memorial was set up on the corner of Crescent Heights and Santa Monica Blvd., a small pocket park known as Matthew Shepard Human Rights Triangle Park. Women dressed as angels stood in front of pictures of GLBT people who have been victims of brutal hate crimes, including Matthew Shepard, Brandon Teena, and several others.

Related posts -

And the fight continues
I believe
The Right Side of History
The Eve of Justice

Day of Decision

2009-05-27T02:14:00.000-07:00

As I'm sure you know by now, yesterday the CA Supreme Court ruled that Prop 8 will remain valid, while the 18,000 same-sex marriages performed last year will also remain valid.

GLBT organizations are already starting a campaign to put an initiative on the ballot in 2010 that will repeal Prop 8. In the meantime, they are recruiting volunteers to go door-to-door to talk to voters about the issue. According to one volunteer I spoke with, they have already changed the minds of 15% of the population. I don't have anything to substantiate this claim, but it would be excellent if true...

Last night I attended the West Hollywood rally and march. Celebrity sightings included Drew Barrymore and Kathy Griffin (I saw Kathy but not Drew). I heard there were 5,000 people in attendance, which is considered a good turnout (although if you compare that to the number of people who attend L.A. Pride, there's a huge discrepancy). The thing that struck me the most was the lack of energy I felt compared to the protests that followed the passage of Prop 8 last November. When I arrived, the rally (which means an organized thing with speakers) was going on and while a huge segment of people had broken off to go march/protest, the police were blocking the road so we all just sort of stood around idly for an hour until we could get through (after that it got dark, so I had trouble getting good photos).

Nevertheless, everyone seems to be looking forward to the prospects in 2010. And there are so many other politically promising things going on around the country for GLBT rights - the "don't ask, don't tell" policy has been brought to the forefront and may change under Obama's term in office, the Oregon Senate just passed legislation that protects GLBT students in schools, New York and New Jersey have been making headway on same-sex marriage legislation, some recent success has happened with hate crime legislation that protects GLBT people, D.C. started recognizing same-sex marriages from other states a couple of months ago, we had a recent marriage victory in Maine - so much is going on across the country, it's hard to keep up. But one thing is certain - things are moving, and quickly.

I have some more photos I will post soon. In the meantime, check out my favorite sign below, on the far right -

The GAYme Show Network

2009-05-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday I videotaped some red carpet interviews for the first annual Game Show Network Awards. A friend of mine does freelance work as an interviewer/on-screen personality for various events, and he asked me if I could shoot some interviews for him. I've never shot a red carpet before, and it was actually quite fun.

While there were several cameras trying to get interviews (we weren't affiliated with the network - they had their own crew), we managed to talk to a good amount of people - the goth couple from "Amazing Race," the kids from "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?", a lady from the show "The Office," the host from "Dancing with the Stars," a lady from "Mad TV," one of the "Brady Bunch" guys (OK, so you can tell I'm not a "name" person), Cloris Leechman, Carnie Wilson, George Wallace, and I think Melissa Rivers. Bob Barker was also somewhere to be found, as was Alan Thicke from "Growing Pains," but we didn't get a chance to interview them.

Since I don't have a TV, I didn't know that Ross the Intern is now a host on the network (not that I would know that if I did have a TV, but I guess you never know).

I didn't recognize him at first and I couldn't help but think how interesting it was that they had this flaming queer as a host (he's no "Anderson Cooper," if you know what I mean).

But he's definitely a cutie, and props to the GSN for bringing him on board. Game shows are already so gay - it's about time they start embracing this rather than casting overly-sexed straight men (have you seen the old "Family Feud" shows where the host actually kisses all the women contestants on the lips? Talk about EWW, gross, sexual harassment, and herpes).

The awards show airs June 6th, and is hosted by Howie Mandel. You can even vote for your favorites on their website here. (Actually, I just went to the site and voting is closed, which of course makes sense since they already gave out the awards, but you can still take a look at the nominees).

And in typical game show style, as a parting gift for the event, we got to take home a box of good ol' fashioned rice-a-roni.

-

Erasing the "Huh?" from Abstract Art

2009-05-13T01:15:00.000-07:00

I recently visited the MOCA (Museum of Contemporary Art) for the first time and loved it. If you go, go to the downtown location on Grand Ave. The MOCA has two other locations in L.A. besides the one on Grand - one is currently closed, and the other one is in WeHo next to the Pacific Design Center.

The WeHo one is free but it only has one small room that at this time has only one large piece of art (seen below).

I was ready to go in about 2 minutes, but my Dad sat and stared at it for at least thirty. It was actually quite cute - he would look at it with a very pensive look on his face, scanning it as if doing some sort of mathematical equation in his head.

After that, we headed over to the one downtown. Below is the sculpture they have out front, made from the parts of planes and other industrial things.

The exhibit inside was great - they have a temporary exhibit from one artist and a more permanent collection from several different ones. The best part was the tour we went on for the temporary exhibit - it really gave us a perspective on how to look at the art and what ideas the artist was exploring with his work. What I learned most from the tour was learning how to appreciate art as an experience and not necessarily as an intellectual exercise.

For example, when looking at a Jackson Pollock (the guy who dribbles paint on a canvas), don't necessarily think "What does this mean? What is the artist trying to say?" Look at it and feel something - the passion, the energy, the movement. The way the artist seems to erase all barriers between himself and his work - his experience painting it becomes what we see in the work. Of course, there's more to his notoriety in terms of doing something groundbreaking in the history of art, but I think the art should be more than just something "never done before." I think what matters is how I feel when I look at it, and any art class I've taken has always shied away from teaching that. I understand that you can't tell me what to feel, but it helps to be guided through the process by which we can discover what we feel, other than a simple - "Huh?"

When the process of looking at art starts to become an exploration of an experience, taking an idea and playing with it, being delighted by it, surprised, amused, entertained, or curious, it begins to resonate for me. As with the pottery exhibit in the picture above, I looked at it and just saw pottery - my Dad had an experience. Just as I started to have an experience as I explored an exhibit downtown that was comprised of glass, mirrors, and reflections - it's as if you start rediscovering and looking at the world as a child - everything is new and different. And when I go back to the MOCA I will be sure to take a tour of a new exhibit to gain some more perspective on the whole thing.

The Stories That Affect Us

2009-04-27T00:29:00.000-07:00

I was at a meeting today and there was a man in his 40s - heterosexual, rational, and in control. He started to tell us a story about personal growth.

When he was a teenager, he and and his buddies used to beat up gay men and men who were effeminate. Where he grew up, it was one of those things you "just did," and he said he was actually afraid of gay people, a true homophobe.

When he went to college, he attended NYU, an excellent school smack dab in the middle of one of the largest gay meccas - the West Village. Arriving for the first time, he walked out of the subway and into Washington Square only to discover thousands of gay men walking around. He told himself he had two options - beat them (literally), or join them (figuratively). And he knew the only logical choice was to try to overcome his fears.

In time, he got to know them, and he came to have a very close group of gay friends. When AIDS hit, he lost many friends to the disease and it affected him deeply.

Then he said - "These people were so loving, so caring, and so accepting," and he stopped for a moment as he started to cry, "and the world hates them."

I was taken off-guard by his story and his emotion, and I stared at the floor to focus myself. I focused on hearing his words and feeling his sentiment. And I started to cry as well.

Not necessarily because the world does hate us, but because of the shame he seemed to have felt for having been loved by his enemy. At the complete injustice he feels for a group of people to which it appears he has nothing to gain from fighting for. And for the sheer beauty of the power that love has to transform people.

It's Rainin' Gays

2009-04-23T00:52:00.000-07:00

While tax day has come and gone and is now just a brief, distant memory, I wanted to direct you to my friend Brenda's blog post about it, as she protested for "Equal Taxes, Equal Rights" at the post office during her lunch break. Since the official protest was canceled due to lack of support, she went by herself despite fears of being alone and possibly becoming an easy target for someone. Her story is both moving and inspirational and can be found here.

In response to the anti same-sex marriage video the "Gathering Storm," (a ridiculous ad that perpetuates fear and myths surrounding gay marriage) Funny or Die (the folks who brought us "Prop 8 the Musical") responded with their own video, "A Gaythering Storm," seen below.

A Gaythering Storm from Jane Lynch

HOLLYWOOD Land

2009-04-17T00:03:00.000-07:00

Last week I did a small video shoot up in the hills near the Hollywood sign. It was an interview for Environment California, and we wanted a nice view of the trees and hills. While it's illegal to hike to the sign, you can get fairly close, and there's a nice view from the top.

Some interesting facts about the sign, compliments of wikipedia -

- Originally constructed in 1923 out of wood, it was so badly deteriorated by 1978 that all the letters were replaced with white-painted steel; at that time, each letter cost $27,777 to replace, which was half the amount of an average-priced house.

- Nine people donated money for the restoration, with each person being connected to a letter. Gene Autry is the second L, Hugh Hefner is the Y, Andy Williams is the W, Alice Cooper (in memory of Groucho Marx) is the third O.

-The original sign was put up for sale on eBay in 2005 (although I don't know what it sold for)

- A motion sensor and closed circuit cameras were installed in 2000, and notifies the police of any movement within 50 yards

- The shape of the hills give it its wavy appearance, but when observed at a comparable altitude, the letters appear straight-across

The Pursuit of Family

2009-04-13T21:33:00.000-07:00

(billboard in West Hollywood)

As usual, it's been far too long since I last wrote. While I don't claim to be an up-to-date news blog, it is of course worth mentioning the great success we have recently had with the passage of same-sex marriage in Iowa and Vermont!

Vermont was the first state to do so with a legislative vote (as opposed to the court deciding), overriding Gov. Jim Douglas' veto of the same-sex marriage legislation. This happened nine years (has it already been nine years?) after they became the first state in the country to offer a civil unions law. Iowa and Vermont now join Massachusetts and Connecticut as the four states that allow same-sex marriage.

As for California, the word on the street is that experts believe the CA Supreme Court will not declare Prop 8 unconstitutional (i.e. no same-sex marriage), although we won't know for sure for another month or two. And the right wing is already planning a Prop 8-ish vote in Iowa.

While this will no doubt continue to be a tennis match for quite some time, there is still a lot to be proud of. This is only the beginning of the "post-closet" era, and we've already accomplished so much in such a short period of time. As they say, two steps forward and one step back...

Related posts:
Yay for Gay!
And the fight continues
I believe
The Right Side of History
The Eve of Justice

The Gay Ghetto

2009-03-30T23:08:00.000-07:00

I went for a walk around West Hollywood (L.A.'s gay-borhood) over the weekend, something I haven't done since last summer. I can't tell you how many businesses have closed since I've been there. In fact, I've never seen so many empty storefronts before that weren't in a ghetto (and no, the "gay ghetto" doesn't count). Of course it's no surprise with the economy being in the state it's in, but seeing its effects hit me.

I went to visit A Different Light Bookstore, L.A.'s only GLBT bookstore, for the last time. After nearly 30 years of business, it's officially closing its doors at the end of the month (although will still be operating online and in San Francisco).

Similarly, in NYC, The Oscar Wilde Bookshop, operating since 1967 and believed to be the oldest GLBT bookstore in the country, is closing this month as well.

On the one hand, it's sad to see these businesses, which have had meaning and significance in our community for decades, close their doors. On the other hand, you could say that capitalism does not discriminate - these businesses are leaving because they are no longer needed by enough people. In 1967, The Oscar Wilde Bookshop was one of the only places to buy GLBT material anywhere in the country. The internet and big business have put a strain on independent shops in general, but there is another issue with GLBT businesses, and that is our community is becoming more and more mainstream. We can now buy GLBT books virtually anywhere - not just from businesses that cater specifically to us.

At the WGA panel I went to recently, one panelist mentioned that 10 or so years ago, there were 5,000 GLBT bookstores in the country. Now there are only 500, which he says "is a good thing," signifying that we've become less marginalized.

I can't say it's a good thing, but I don't think it's a bad thing either. It's just part of our evolution - you give up one thing to become another.

But while so many businesses have closed their doors, others in WeHo seemed to be booming. The nail salon, for example, was packed (Gay men do seem to love their pedicures, and the online marketplace still hasn't found a way to tap that).

Like looking at a glass that's half full, does an empty storefront point to the business that has failed and left, or does it point to the new one approaching? Emptiness is also an opportunity in waiting.

I Love L.A...?

2009-03-24T21:05:00.000-07:00

My mom tells me that my dad thinks/hopes I will one day move to live near them and my sister's family in Missouri (they moved to the mid-west from CA after I went to college). She's tried to talk some sense into him, but he tells her to keep an open mind about it. Not that he's ever mentioned it to me, and he probably knows better than to even try. No offense to anyone in Missouri because I do know several cool people that live there and I'm sure they're happy. But everytime my mom tells me this (and it's been at least twice), I think - REALLY?? SERIOUSLY???

OK, so it's sweet. It's sweet to want to have the family all live near each other. But my family does not live near a city like Kansas City or St. Louis, but rather near the Arkansas border and a notorious little place called Branson, which is like Vegas without the gambling, booze, and titties (uh, so what's Vegas without the gambling, booze, and titties? Riiiiight... Think "good clean fun" with lots of fiddles, corny jokes, and patriotism).

Not to sound like a snob, but there are few places that could begin to satisfy me socially, culturally, and professionally. Even here, with everything this city offers, I have yet to fall in love - really fall in love with Los Angeles. I've lived here for 6 non-consecutive years (4 and then 2), but I still think it can one day happen.

Lately I have found myself thinking that I'm really lucky to live here, and that there are not many places in the world where I can do or see ____. Case in point. I recently joined a radical spirituality group. And it's...radical. Last time we met, a body artist came to share with us his experiences on the intersection between pain, ritual, and spirituality. Then with several candles lit and a couple of people drumming on some bongos, he carved a flower design with a scalpel into a woman's back. "Do they numb the back first?" my Mom asked me. "No, Mom - that's the point. Using pain and ritual as a transformative process. A spiritual transendence." OK, so I don't expect everyone to get it. But that's the point; there's enough people in L.A. who do, and who can come together and support such an endeavor.

My mom and I were walking near my apartment during this "Why I will not move to Missouri" conversation. "You see that building over there?" I pointed out to her. "That's the Writer's Guild of America. I live two blocks from the Writer's Guild. On Thursday they're having a panel on GLBT projects in Hollywood. Where else in the world could I go to such a thing?"

The panel was called "Gay Today in Hollywood: A Status Report." Writers, producers, and agents, most of them from the GLBT community, spoke on the panel. The highlight for me was Dustin Lance Black (Academy Award-winning writer from Milk), and hearing him talk about getting his project made. He shopped his script around for a long time, hearing "no" after "no" after "no." Then someone said "Maybe this could be a TV movie..." and it was Mr. Black's turn to say "no." He held on to his script until he was sure that it was in the right hands. He knew how great the movie could be and how much impact it could have. So he waited, held onto his idealism, and it paid off.

Another person on the panel was Liz Feldman, who writes for the Ellen Show. She's currently shopping around a sitcom with a lesbian lead. She's also gotten a lot of "no"s, but she told us that she's committed to sticking with the project until it gets picked up.

I found the panel inspiring to go to. This city, with everything it offers, can be a very inspiring place to live. There is so much to be found, if you look hard enough and if you know what you're looking for. I don't know if I will live here forever. I do have fantasies of moving (mostly because my curiosity loves to contemplate new territory). But as far as I know, it's the closest thing I've ever really found to begin to call home.

So here's where we are

2009-03-17T19:45:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been almost two weeks since my last post...

The good news is I have finished a draft of Heterosexual Jill! (you can read my other post about the script which is much more descriptive here). I still have a good amount of work to do on it, but at least I have it down on paper instead of floating around in my head. Right now I'm in the process of getting feedback from people to help me re-think some changes for the next draft. The script is one of the most important things to get "right" before moving on to the next stage of production, so as eager as I am to get things going, I know I need to take my time and not rush things. Right now I'm looking at a 2010 production date if everything goes well...

As for Butch Jamie, it's been out on DVD now for 4 months. I don't want to jinx it, but it's been in the top ten lesbian best sellers list for Wolfe Video for the past 6 months! (which includes the 2 months prior to it being released)

If you're still looking to watch it, here's the lowdown:

Rental:
- Netflix
- Blockbuster online (not in stores)
- Your local independently-owned video store. If they don't have it, you can request it and they may purchase it to carry. I actually just got a myspace message from someone in Michigan who wrote to tell me how much she enjoyed the film and that her local video store ordered it for her to rent when she asked about it.

Purchase:
- Wolfe Video (really the best place to get it because they're the distributor and more of the sale goes to the filmmakers, especially if you use the above link; the rest of the sale goes to supporting an independently-owned GLBT film distributor, so all in all I think it's money well spent)
- TLA Video
- Amazon- LOGO
- Barnes and Noble
- Borders
- Best Buy
- Virgin Megastore
All of these companies only sell the video online and not in stores (I can't say that for sure, although I would be surprised). For that, I recommend supporting your local GLBT book/video store if you have one.

You can also rate and/or review the film on many of the above sites, as well as on IMDb. Any good word you can spread about it is much appreciated!

The Eve of Justice

2009-03-04T23:04:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, the California Supreme Court is going to hear oral arguments tomorrow regarding the validity of Prop 8. Tonight I went to a rally/vigil/march in Downtown L.A. called The Eve of Justice, to help send the message that equality is protected by our constitution and not by popular vote.

Related posts:
And the fight continues
I believe
The Right Side of History

A Few of My New Favorite Things

2009-03-01T23:35:00.000-08:00

Favorite new website - Post Secret
An art project where people anonymously mail in their secrets.

Favorite new music video - If I Were a Boy
Beyonce in a police uniform - Yum.

Favorite new religion - Raelian, where people believe they were created by Aliens.

Favorite new movie that I haven't yet seen - Puppetry of the Penis, a filmed stage show where men create puppets with their penises.

Tying the Knot

2009-02-23T23:14:00.000-08:00

In a little over a week, the CA Supreme Court will hear oral arguments about the validity of Prop 8. Since the election last November, the GLBT community and our allies have mobilized in unprecedented ways - protests, rallies, marches, vigils, demonstrations, boycotts, viral videos, blogs, conversations, the white knots, people coming out of the closet, straight people postponing their own marriage until the right is granted to all - the commitment, energy, and passion toward this effort has been incredible. Of course, we all know that the decision of the CA Supreme Court will be huge - setting an example, good or bad, for the rest of the country and the world.

On Wednesday, March 4, the evening before the Supreme Court's hearing, there will be events all over California to send a unifying message that equality should not be up for a popular vote, and that the purpose of the constitution is to protect minorities and to make sure that the law treats everyone fairly. You can check out The Eve of Justice website for more info. I plan to go to the demonstration here in downtown L.A.

Also, a short little plug for Milk, which won two Academy Awards last night - the DVD is now on pre-order from Wolfe Video. Yes, you can buy the film at your local Walmart (oh, but dear God - why??), but if you want to support a small, independent, queer-owned business (who in turn supports filmmakers like me), I recommend buying it from Wolfe!

Related posts:
MILK - does a body good
And the fight continues
I believe
The Right Side of History

Where the Future Meets the Past

2009-02-17T21:04:00.000-08:00

The technology craze is getting crazier - that much is obvious. I learned the other day that Google launched a new service called Latitude, which allows you to keep track of your family and friends' whereabouts on a map using certain smart phones.

My first thought is - "Why the hell does anyone really care?" It seems pointless, excessive, and yes, a little creepy. But these odd trends fascinate me. Technology has always scared people because they fear it will change us. They fear it will dehumanize and depersonalize us, while giving more control to those in power and less to the rest of us. But in fact, we're ending up with the exact opposite.

We've long since feared that Big Brother would be watching us - little did we know that it would be us watching each other, and the participants would enjoy partaking. Our voyeuristic and exhibitionistic desires are being fed in the most obscure and trivial ways. Your virtual map shows you that John's at work; now he's on his way home. Then you log on to Facebook and John tells you what he ate for lunch, how much traffic was on the freeway, and what he's watching on TV tonight.

But regardless of the uselessness of the information, and the oddity of our attraction to it, it's amazing how technology is mirroring our democracy - not impeding it. The government doesn't really care where you are or what you're doing (if you're law-abiding), but your friends do. And the government can't keep capitalism from putting all the power you need in your own palm. It's something we invent for ourselves - by the people for the people. And whether I like it or not, there's something beautiful in that.

When I discovered the internet in 1995, anonymity seemed to be a big draw. You needed a screen name just to log on to AOL and access the internet; it was as if it was a mandate that you be anonymous. After all, wasn't part of the fun being anonymous? To say what you want and then walk away as if it didn't really happen; it wasn't really you; it didn't really mean anything.

But as the internet matured, so did we. We decided that we didn't want to live in a virtual vacuum. Some of us do, but many of us don't, not all the time. Myspace, Facebook, YouTube, blogs - it seems that the fantasy of being anonymous is surpassed only by the fantasy of being known.

But I don't think it all boils down to everybody getting their "15 minutes of fame." I believe that many people actually do want to connect, in a real and legitimate way, to other people. In this way, I see technology as something that does not change us, but something that preserves us. Communication, information, and entertainment have been around since the cavemen days. We are not reinventing ourselves - we're just getting better at doing these things.

So instead of your cave friends telling you they will be on the other side of the hill, thanks to Google's Latitude, we can see the data right in front of us. I don't know if we need to. I don't know if we should want to. But the urge to connect, to know, to band together as a community, virtual or not, remains the same.

Freedom to Marry

2009-02-13T20:46:00.001-08:00

Happy Freedom to Marry Week! I realize it is the end of the week and all, but it doesn't officially end until tommorrow. I first heard about because my friends Leah and Brenda got married in California last October, and they have been busy writing personal and political posts on the topic.

I also saw a very touching video put out by the Courage Campaign in response to the CA lawsuit that would forcibly divorce the 18,000 same-sex couples that were married last year before the passage of Prop 8. It features one of my favorite songs from Regina Spektor, and put together with the photo montage, it's just beautiful.

I hope you will sign the petition on the Courage Campaign website in support of same-sex couples at www.couragecampaign.org/divorce

Also, just in time for Valentine's Day, Ariztical Entertainment had me edit a video montage for them that features the best on-screen queer kisses from their collection. Check it out below -

Sundance Wrap-up

2009-02-09T22:58:00.000-08:00

(If you want to read all my Sundance 2009 posts, click here and scroll down)

When I drove back home from Park City, it was the first time I saw Utah in the light. I don't know if the pictures quite capture it, but it really was beautiful.

Two other movies I would have liked to have seen while I was in town are I Love You Phillip Morris and Humpday.

In Phillip Morris, Jim Carrey plays a gay sociopath (OK, so maybe not the media attention we're looking for, but it does sound intriguing) with Ewan McGregor as his love interest. I read that there is a graphic sex scene in the first 10 minutes. And, interestingly enough, the film is described as a light and farcical dark comedy.

I actually really like Jim Carrey's repertoire outside of his Ace Ventura-esque comedies. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is one of my favorites, and The Truman Show is another one that easily makes my top ten.

Humpday is affectionately called a "bromance" film, where two straight dudes decide to make a gay porno. OK, so it sounds like cheap entertainment (not that there's anything wrong with that). There aren't any name actors in it and the pic from the movie that Sundance advertised on their site is awful (could it really be any worse? It's like a double mug shot). But it seemed to be one of the most talked about movies while I was there, and I am convinced that this must be a great movie - funny, great character depth, exploring the nuances of sexuality, etc. After I found out that it was directed by a woman, I was even more intrigued. I'm sure Sundance selected the film based on its original thematic elements, but if it really is just two dudes trying to go at it, then that's good enough for me. Even if they do look like they need a shower and a personality makeover. What can I say - I'm easy.

Sundance Day #4

2009-02-05T22:45:00.000-08:00

Today was my last day in Park City. I started the day off by going to two panels at New Frontier - "Web Content - Where are the Big Ideas for Small Screens?" and "Meet the Sundance Filmmakers."

In the second panel, three different filmmakers showed clips from their movies and talked about them. One film in particular that I would have loved to have seen but it was sold out was the documentary We Live in Public, which went on to win the Sundance Grand Jury Prize for U.S. Documentary.

It was shot over a 10 year span of various people living their lives in front of the camera, and edited from over 5,000 hours of footage (doing the math, I figured that it would take you over 208 days, 24 hours a day, just to watch all the footage!). More than just exploitative reality entertainment, the film serves as a cautionary tale to the role that technology plays in our lives.

After that, I caught the last half of a panel at Queer Lounge called "Navigating Hollywood with GLBT Content." They showed the trailer for a new lifetime movie with Sigourney Weaver called Prayers for Bobby which is based on a true story of a gay rights crusader whose teenage son committed suicide due to her religious intolerance.

Despite the generic-feeling of the plot, I actually got teary eyed just from watching the trailer! (although I made sure that none of my fellow butches saw me)

After that, I went to a shorts screening at New Frontier called Lunch Films (not officially part of the Sundance programming - just an event that one of the Sundance lounges sponsored). The idea behind Lunch Films is basically that a filmmaker is taken out to lunch, and in return he/she makes a short film for the cost of the lunch. Rules and inspirations are written out on a napkin contract. I don't know if the films have to be experimental or not, but all of them were; a few were quite good, others were...I don't want to say horrible, but well - not that enjoyable. But I love the concept of Lunch Films, and that the founder spends his own money commissioning films on a budget. He tours around the country with his collection, screening it at various theaters.

That evening, I had two Sundance screenings to attend - a shorts program and Helen, a feature staring Ashley Judd, whose character deals with severe depression.

Although I can appreciate a good gut-wrenching movie, it just didn't grab me and pull me in the way I think it should have. I found the movie a little boring, like it was a one-note tune playing over and over (i.e. she's depressed and it sucks). However, during the Q&A I could tell that many people in the audience were very affected by it. It reminded me of the movie When a Man Loves a Woman where Meg Ryan plays an alcoholic, although I thought that movie was much more powerful.

Sundance and Slamdance - Day #3

2009-02-02T22:15:00.000-08:00

My third day I woke up with a sore throat. I knew I got it when I leaned toward a sick person talking at a party, and I breathed in at the exact same moment that she breathed out.

I was glad that I had gotten the weekend partying and socializing out of the way, and even though I was getting sick I was still able to make good use of my time. I started the day off by checking out the Queer Brunch, which included a continental breakfast spread and I think an open bar, sponsored by Outfest.

If you're on any of Outfest's email lists, you can easily get yourself on the list; over 500 people were there, and according to one gay man "it's the whole reason to go to Sundance." There was even a DJ and gift bags for everybody (speaking of which, I was told that Sundance used to have a lot more swag (i.e. free promo items), but two years ago they had a big campaign called "Focus on Film" and a lot of the promotional giveaways died down).

After the brunch, I took the shuttle to main street to catch the last part of a panel at New Frontier called "Models and Experiments in Indie Distribution." After that, another panel started called "How to Do More for Less," which talked about working with HD.

After that, I walked up the street to Slamdance. Last year I was a grip for a queer short film that was premiering at Slamdance this year called Dish. I ran into the director at a party and got a free ticket to the screening, so I went to check it out.

I wasn't planning to go to Slamdance while I was in town but I was so glad that I did. The festival started as a "for filmmakers by filmmakers" endeavor, at a time when Sundance was becoming more and more commercial. It's now recognized as one of the top ten film festivals in the U.S., and it offers edgy, controversial, creative, experimental, risk-taking, and innovative programming that you don't see at a lot of festivals.

Slamdance is a very sought-after place to screen your work (I personally have been rejected twice) and despite the do-it-yourself spirit of the festival, I was surprised by the ultra no-frills atmosphere. The venues were more like classrooms, with 40 standalone seats and a makeshift screen that was slightly bigger than your average big screen TV. But I loved the energy of the place, and I really enjoyed the short films I saw - each one had such a fresh artistic view.

After the screening, I looked through their program and was able to buy a ticket for a screening that night for a controversial documentary called Graphic Sexual Horror.

One film programmer described the film as - "A journey into the absolute most outer reaches of the BDSM experience, this documentary about the Insex.com website is both repulsive and mesmerizing, often at the same time. As brave a piece of filmmaking as I have ever seen submitted to Slamdance."

I liked the film, although watching it with an open mind (if it's not open, you won't last through the first 5 minutes; a few people walked out) produces a great degree of ambivalence, as there were numerous ethical questions raised and toyed with. But I suppose you could say that provoking that ambivalence is an indicator of a great film.

Sundance Day #2

2009-01-30T21:57:00.000-08:00

I started the day off by seeing my first Sundance film - Amreeka. I decided to buy tickets because the director is a friend of a friend, although I had no idea what to expect. I knew it was about a mother and son who immigrate to America from Palestine, but I think that description doesn't do the film justice. I thought it was really excellent - very touching, at times funny, and very well written.

Here's the cast and crew during the Q&A -

This is the crowded lobby after the screening -

After that, I checked out a panel at Queer Lounge called "Short Films - Yes, there is a Market!" I already have a few short films in distribution and will probably continue to just focus on features, although I still thought the panel was interesting. My friend Roberta Maria Monroe was the moderator; she has a book that just came out called How NOT to Make a Short Film: Secrets from a Sundance Programmer

Afterward, Roberta and some other friends got me into the afterparty for a film at Slamdance (the alternative to Sundance that is a well-respected festival in its own right) called Weather Girl.

After that, we headed out for sushi again, and then back to Roberta's condo to chill for awhile. I joined her condo mates at the Queer Lounge kick-off party (even though they had already kicked-off two days earlier), then briefly hit up the party at the Filmmakers Lodge to get some complimentary hummus and pita before heading back to my condo.

I do feel lucky to have been able to get into so many of the parties there (it isn't always easy - it pays to have friends in high places), but I did find them a tad overrated. Not a whole lot of networking seemed to be going on, although I realize every party is different and I'll definitely do the rounds again when I go to Sundance again.

Sundance Day #1

2009-01-28T00:05:00.000-08:00

To pick up where I left off in my last post -

I went to the box office to pick up my tickets I had bought online. It isn't always easy to buy tickets to the screenings at Sundance, but I think it helped that this year was a slow year (some people said it was the economy, others thought it was the inauguration).

I had a panel to go to about Avid file formats at 2:00, but I had a little bit of free time beforehand, so after I got my tickets and bought a souvenir T-shirt, I walked around and got the lay of the land.

Sundance has several different lodge-type spots where you can go in and relax, get warm, check your email, chat, etc., so I checked them out - the Sundance House, Filmmaker Lodge, and New Frontier. The Sundance House in conjunction with Brita and Filter for Good was giving away BPA-free refillable water bottles in an effort to reduce water bottle waste during the festival. I already had three of my own in my back pack (I drink a lot of water), but these were free and said "Sundance" on them so I picked one up. The best part was that there was free Brita water at all of the theaters and lodges; each lodge had its own mini cafe and none of them even sold bottled water. Since a reported 50,000 people go to Sundance every year (I read somewhere that this figure is 5 times as many as the amount of tourists who visit Park City the whole rest of the year), that's a lot of waste reduction. And hopefully people will continue to reuse their bottles after they get home.

The Filmmaker Lodge, despite the cool name, didn't have anything too exciting going on at the moment, so I headed over to New Frontier where the panel was going to be. The space was set up like a hybrid between a night club and a modern art museum. Colored lights lit the rooms (although the room with the panel was regularly lit), and video installations and interactive computer art lined the walls. They had plenty of couches to lounge around on while you waited for whatever you needed to wait for.

Despite the visually crazy club-like appearance, the video installations provided a soothing sound backdrop (something like birds and waves from what I remember), and it was actually a very relaxing and zen sort of place to hang out. It ended up being one of my favorite places to sit and recharge in between events.

After the Avid file format panel, I walked back down main street to Queer Lounge, which is a space open to the public to come in and chat, relax, check their email, etc. like the other lodges/lounges around town (the other lodges/lounges are actually only open to the public on a space available basis. I had bought a credential that would guarantee me access, however, it was slow enough this year that you didn't need one). Queer Lounge had the benefit of having a lot of queer people there, and like a couple of the other lounges, they also hosted daily panels and nightly parties.

That evening, I went to the "Thank GLAAD it's Friday" party at the lounge, which a friend of mine got me on the list for before arriving in town.

Here's a view of main street from the balcony -

It was really crowded inside and not totally conducive to talking to people.

After that, a group of us lesbos headed out for sushi.

After that, we finagled ourselves to be somebody's +1 for the film programmers party at the Filmmaker Lodge that night. I hung out with my lesbo friends, but was a little disappointed that there didn't seem to be a whole lot of networking going on.

At any rate, we stayed out late and had fun; it was an all around eventful day.

Sundance Day #0

2009-01-25T20:46:00.000-08:00

As I wrote a couple of posts ago, I recently got back from my first trip to Sundance. Over the past few years, I've submitted two of my films to the festival - my short Half Laughing in addition to Butch Jamie, and while neither one of them got in, I still hope to someday go with one of my films. But in the interim, I thought it would be a good opportunity to go and check it out.

There was some talk about boycotting the festival since it's in Utah, and so much of the money in favor of prop 8 came from Utah. However, there seemed to be the general consensus among GLBT filmmakers that since Sundance has always supported us, at times when no one else would, it didn't seem right to take our support away from them. That and of course, we would only be hurting ourselves by not going and partaking in what Sundance had to offer.

Park City is about 700 miles from L.A., and I decided to drive in the interest of doing the trip as cheaply as possible. I had some friends driving up as well but they were staying two days longer than I had planned, so I made the trek by myself. It took over 11 hours to get there - longer than I've driven by myself before, and I felt it was quite an accomplishment. Here are some pics from the road -

That night, I arrived at the condo that I would be sharing with 7 or so people I hadn't yet met. I had secured a bunk bed for $85 a night via craigslist in a two bunk bed room with three other people. I never did spend much time at the condo and I didn't even meet all of the other people there, but the people I did talk to were all very nice and were volunteering for the festival. Sharing the room didn't turn out to be too bad, although next time I will definitely be bringing an eye mask and ear plugs.

The next morning I woke up, not quite in the swing of things. I laid in bed thinking to myself "Do I really have to get up? Do I really have to schlep myself and all my winter accessories, water bottles, local maps, and trail mix all over town to which I have no idea where I'm really going or what I'm really doing?" "Yes Michelle, you didn't spend all this money and drive across three states to lay in bed all day." So I got up.

I put on every single winter accessary I had brought and I walked outside completely bundled and ready for the worst. It was about 43 degrees and...really warm. I stripped off all of my accessories, unzipped my jacket, and walked a few minutes to the nearest shuttle stop. Since it was dark when I got into town the night before, it was the first time I could see how beautiful everything was.

At the shuttle stop, a festival representative asked me where I was going so he could get me on the right shuttle. I had a color coded map and was fully prepared to navigate myself around, but it was nice that there seemed to be people looking out for us.

After I got on the shuttle, I started to get excited; I could feel the energy of the people around me - we were at Sundance!

Waiting for the Shoe to Drop

2009-01-23T00:23:00.001-08:00

Is it just me, or is this Obama craze making anybody else a little nervous? I didn't think too much about the be-jeweled Obama baby doll tees in the L.A. boutiques, and I laughed a little at the Obama candy bars at the airport. But then when I saw the Obama Big Gulp cups at the 7-11, I started to think that things were getting a little out of hand.

Among the things that I spend the least amount of time on, shopping is high on the list. So I know I'm not the most qualified expert in this area, but this much I know - I've never seen a president merchandised this way before. In my lifetime, I've never even seen a president that people really love. I was 14 when Clinton got elected, and the Monica Lewinsky scandal happened not long after I was old enough to vote. After spending most of my adult life with W., from the year I graduated from college until now, I am of course excited about the promise that Obama brings - reforming health care, revitalizing the economy, ending the war in Iraq, bringing political equality to the GLBT community, and even opening up Cuba, as my Dad thinks will happen under his leadership (and this is from a man who voted for W. The first time).

Obama has become synonymous with the words "change" and "hope", and I love - I really do love that people are excited for something different, but the fact that we've already iconized him makes me a little nervous. We've projected so many wishes and desires onto this man that he's become a cross section between Jesus and Elvis - part savior, part legend. The pedestal we've constructed for him seems so incredibly high that I'm already flinching at the disappointment and disillusionment it seems to foreshadow.

I know I come across as a bit jaded. It surprises me, as I have come to realize that I'm somehow more comfortable with everyone bitching, moaning, and making fun of the president rather than treating him like the second coming. I grew up with Dana Carvey's great impression of Daddy Bush on Saturday Night Live where he made fun of all his trite phrases; I remember the laughs we got out of Dan Quayle's misspelling of potatoe (with the "e" on the end); then there was the ordeal over Monica's stained dress, and then of course, the ridiculousness that we've been living with for the last 8 years.

But I did always want things to be different. I remember falling in love (platonically, of course) with Ross Perot's no nonsense b.s. in the early 90's. I remember rooting for Jesse Jackson in the democratic primaries in the late 80's - yes, just because he was black. I can still remember the hope and desire on the representative's faces from Puerto Rico during that broadcast. I wanted Jesse to win because I could see how much it mattered to them. It didn't matter to me - I was only 10. And I didn't know that he didn't stand a chance in hell at winning.

I do know how much this election means to us, myself included. I think the thing that worries me the most is that if we are not satisfied with the results over the next 4-8 years, if this doesn't work out as we've planned, we'll never allow ourselves to get caught up in the promise of our political future again. When I think about it that way, I know I have to be wrong. I have to be wrong about my sense of impending doom that hovers over this pervasive idealism. I don't believe we're fooling ourselves into thinking we're taking a huge leap forward only to fall back into generations of bitterness. How could I believe that, when life is about progress and change, about moving forward and evolving.

So I can guarantee that you won't be seeing me sporting my Obama skateboard around town (featured above), but I will do my best to stop waiting for the first shoe to drop. And to really start allowing myself to feel a part of this time in history.

The Road to Sundance

2009-01-21T02:00:00.000-08:00

I just got back from the Sundance Film Festival. I had a great time and am completely exhausted. I'll be posting more about my trip soon; in the meantime, below is a post I wrote before I left but didn't have time to finish.

Tomorrow I'm leaving for my first trip to Sundance! Even though I don't have a film there, it's a great place to go and network and to attend parties, panels, and films. While Sundance is notorious for not being super-accessible in terms of getting tickets to screenings, getting access to parties, and finding housing, I've had great luck so far with all three. Hopefully my good luck will continue...

While I have few expectations, I think the trip will be a good thing for me to do for my continually evolving film career. However, it's not something that I can really afford to do; deciding whether or not to go is a thought I briefly entertain each year before I dismiss it. But in thinking about going this year, I remembered an email I received a few days beforehand from one of the new-agey lists that I'm on -

"You must invest three percent of your income in your self-development in order to guarantee your future. Brian Tracy said that and he was right. I know you really want to take that class or that seminar or that spiritual growth retreat, but you think you can't afford it. That truth may be that you can't afford not to. Try following your highest impulse. Your mind rarely invites you to explore things that are worthless - and your soul never does."

XMAS and New Year's!

2009-01-10T12:33:00.000-08:00

Last week I got back from a two week holiday vacation - a week with the family in Missouri, and a week with some friends in Upstate NY. It's the longest I've been away on vacation in over 10 years and it was a nice long break. I realize that Missouri and Albany aren't quite as exciting as Taiwan or Korea, so I'll skip the day-by-day recap and give you a brief overview.

Missouri:

Christmas morning with my twin nieces -

Bald eagle spotted on our ATV ride -

Me as Aunt -

Albany:

Foster kitties under the Christmas tree -

Snow on New Year's Eve Day -

Rockin' New Years Eve -

Day trip to Northampton:

Smith College campus -

Snowboarders on the railing -

Butch Jamie featured in the gay bookstore -

I also got to see my old cat Huey (aka Howard) for the first time in over a year and a half. I was happy when I could tell he remembered me. I also saw some old friends who worked on the movie, and my ex and her new wife and I all played Rock Band into the wee hours of the morning. I discovered that drums and singing badly with enthusiasm are my specialty.

Taiwan Day #5

2009-01-03T08:15:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!! I know I haven't posted in awhile - I've been busy visiting friends and family for the holidays. I have one more 2008-related post, and then we'll move on to '09! So first, here is my last post of my trip to Taiwan (you can take a look at the other posts by clicking here and scrolling down).

My last day in Taipei, I only had a few hours before I left for the airport. Since I had accomplished most of my vacation to-do list and we were out late the night before, I allowed myself to sleep in. Then I went to the Wisteria Tea House with a couple of other filmmakers for lunch.

I chose the teahouse because it is said to be Taipei's most historic. Ang Lee also shot Eat Drink Man Woman there, which I haven't seen, but is now in my Netflix queue (the problem is that I add movies faster than I watch them, and I now have 346 movies in my queue. That's probably more than I've seen in my whole life. If I manage to watch one movie a week, I will be done with this particular movie list in about 6 and a half years).

The teahouse itself was cute but unassuming; however, the food was excellent and worth the trip.

Afterward, I went to Taiwan's first gay bookstore (there are now several others), a small shop in a residential area.

I looked through the DVD selection, hoping that perhaps one day Butch Jamie would make its way to the shelves.

After that, I said goodbye to everybody and went back to the hotel to catch the shuttle to the airport. It was definitely a memorable trip. Since screenings of the film are now tapering off, I don't know if I will get to do any more exotic traveling with the film, but it's been a blast while it's lasted. And of course, on to the next one...

Taiwan Day #4

2008-12-21T21:17:00.000-08:00

In the morning we watched some more films, and in the afternoon we attended a forum where we had a panel discussion about the production of our projects.

After the forum, the festival treated us to an evening at the hot springs. I was told that going to the hot springs is a very traditional Asian thing to do. Doing some research online, I learned that Taiwan is ranked among one of the world's top hot spring sites. Several people asked me if I had ever been to some hot springs before, and they were all surprised when I said yes, in Colorado. I couldn't take photos inside, but here are some as we walked down the steps and to the pools -

Upon arriving, I learned that the biggest difference between the hot springs in Colorado and the ones here was that it was mandatory to be completely nude. I'll admit that public nudity is not my thing, and I contemplated not going in. However, as soon as I saw a woman relaxing in a hot pool with the steam rising all around her, it looked so luxurious I couldn't resist. And I'm glad I decided to go in - the pools were extremely relaxing as well as spiritually uplifting.

After that, we had dinner. It's customary there for people to go to the hot sprigs and then eat afterwards - in fact, admission to the hot springs was free with the purchase of our meal.

We ate in our own little bungalow-type of dining room that was set up with a TV screen for karaoke if we wanted to use it.

After dinner, we were going to go someplace else for karaoke, but since everyone was super-relaxed from the pools and the meal, we decided to just go for a quiet drink out.

We went to a cute little bar that had an atmosphere like a coffee house. The owner of the place sat down with us for awhile and chatted.

One of the visiting filmmakers suggested we get some dessert, and one of the festival coordinators selected some items off of a menu for us. A few minutes later there arrived tiny plates of meat, noodles, tofu, etc.

"I thought we ordered dessert?" she asked.
"That's what this is. It's not like it's going to be cheesecake," she teased.

(I asked my guide about this the next day and she said that little dishes that you order with drinks are called desserts, and regular desserts like cakes and cookies are called desserts too. So it's kind of confusing.)

We were mostly still full from dinner, but we all sampled the various items. The owner/cook/bartender was from Lebanon, so many of the dishes were Lebanese and quite good.

MILK - does a body good

2008-12-13T20:24:00.000-08:00

I don't know if there's been a historical movie that has so accurately spoken to a present day situation as MILK. The parallels between the movie and the recent activity over prop 8 is so similar that it's uncanny. It's almost as if the film is in direct response to the current political situation, yet it was filmed before any of it happened.

Of course, it's been "happening" for a very long time. A different decade, a different proposition, but the same idea over and over again. Do we deserve equal treatment, do we have a right to be protected under the law, do we have a place in our democracy and in our country.

The rallies and protests in the film against prop 6 closely echoed my experience with prop 8. The signs were the same, the chants were familiar, the emotions were identical. Just seeing the group of people in the movie rallying for GLBT rights got me choked up. It was the same feeling I had when I marched in the protest downtown last month. Feeling the energy of a group of people all passionate about the same thing is very moving.

MILK humanizes the gay political movement in a way that I believe no other movie ever has. What is the "gay agenda?" For Harvey Milk, it was helping to prevent suicide amount young gay people, who are 2-3 times more likely to be at risk. For people who say that the GLBT movement is selfish, that we don't think of the children and the family, or the impact any of this will have on the "fabric of society," I think it's clear that they aren't looking at the entire picture. We are the children, we are the family, we are part of society. We are a part of all those things. To not make a place for us undermines the value of all of it.

I sometimes think it's funny that I'm a lesbian, that I drew the right card at birth that enabled me to experience this on a personal level. But how wonderful it is, how much richer your life can be. You're forced to deal with yourself, your life, your family and friends. With your government, your media, your religion, your stereotypes, and your own rules and regulations. It's not always easy, but it is empowering. To go through this process that so many of us do, and come out the other side better because of it.

I think this is the same process that society is now struggling with, not just with GLBT rights but with the change that accompanies it. We've come to a point where we all have to deal with our government, our media, our religions, our stereotypes, our rules and regulations. It's won't be easy, but it will be empowering. And we will come out the other side better because of it.

Taiwan Day #3 - part two

2008-12-07T01:04:00.000-08:00

After the screening, my guide and I left the theater and headed over to Snake Alley, a night market notorious for selling snakes to eat. They also offer snake blood mixed with alcohol to drink for vitality. However, most of the locals think it's gross to eat snakes, and I read on the internet that it's mostly for tourists. Other interesting dishes you can find there include turtle and mouse.

The night markets start around dusk and we arrived a little early, so there wasn't much happening yet. The restaurants seemed to love putting the live snakes out in front to lure people in, but there were signs everywhere saying that we weren't allowed to take photos. A festival volunteer told me she thought it may be because they don't want that kind of cultural publicity.

One restaurant looked like a pet store out front, with glass cages of mice and what looked like hamsters and gerbils. A man was holding a large, beautiful yellow snake. My guide asked him if those critters and the snake were to eat and he said no. So maybe it was just a ploy - who knows.

Another place had a turtle tank out front with aquatic turtles that looked just like the ones I used to have as pets at home. I really don't know why people enjoy seeing the animals that they are about to eat. I know it's supposed to be good because it's "fresh," but bringing back memories of my cute little turtles Sam and Nella did not do the trick for me.

I did manage to get a photo of one of the more interesting items for sale - rooster testicles, supposedly eaten to improve a man's sexual performance.

We also saw Betel Nut, which is also called Taiwanese chewing gum.

It comes from a tree that looks like a palm tree, and locals chew it like tobacco. There are health risks associated with it, such as mouth cancer, etc. However, the substance is not regulated the way that tobacco is and there are no age restrictions on purchasing it.

After snake alley, we went to Taipei's largest and most popular night market called Shihlin. Since it was a weekend and getting a little later, Shihlin was packed.

We walked around the food court and fought the crowds and the heat. Even though it was October, the weather was as hot and humid as July. Inside the food court, there was also an incredible amount of heat coming from open cooking fires. Too cool off, I bought myself some boba (also called bubble tea), a cold and sweet milk tea with big black tapioca balls at the bottom. It's popular in Koreatown here in L.A. so I wanted to try it there. I read online to avoid eating dairy and ice cubes in Taiwan, both of which were in the drink, but I decided to go ahead and "live on the edge." It tasted similar to the boba here in L.A., but the one in Taipei was a little more subtle in its sweetness and the flavor of the tea came through more, which I liked.

After that, my guide insisted I try some stinky tofu soup (pictured above). The heat inside the food area left me wanting anything but something hot and stinky, but since stinky tofu is famous in Taiwan, I wanted to try at least a bite. After we had some, my guide told me that it wasn't that stinky, which I found a little disappointing because I wanted to get the full experience of it before I crossed it off my list. Not that it was ever on my list, but I suppose it is now.

Next we went to a walk-up grill type bar where they cook the food in front of you. I had some beef and veggies and it was exceptionally delicious, in addition to being cheap (the food in Taipei is generally much less expensive).

After that, we walked around and saw some pigs feet (in the photo above). My guide asked if I wanted to try some.
"Does it taste like ham?"
"No...it's chewy..."
"Then no."
I don't suppose I would completely rule it out, but the idea of gnawing on a foot sort of gives me the heebie jeebies. One of my most visual memories from my trip to Hong Kong several years ago is of my friend and her father gnawing on some chicken's feet over dim sum. Now if you've ever seen a chicken's foot (and who hasn't), then you can imagine how hard it might be to extract some food from it. Definitely a lot of gnawing going on there. A pig's foot does look like something actually edible, although if you look closely in this photo below, you can see the foot pad on the right hand side. Maybe the chewy part is just a big callous...

By the shine on those things, they almost look like cinnamon buns, don't they? Almost.

We also saw the big cahonas - bull's balls.

They were huge and...beautiful. The design in them made them look almost like a work of art, like a handmade glass vase.

Other than the chicken and pig's feet, most of what I deemed inedible my guide thought the same about. One stand sold chicken stomachs, which she thought was particularly gross. But after seeing the turtles, mice, and variety of testicles, I didn't think that sounded half bad.

On the metro back to my hotel, my guide and I talked about the grossest things we'd ever eaten. I told her I had alligator once in New Orleans which I thought was pretty good, but she thought that sounded really gross.

"Have you ever eaten snails?" she asked.
"No."
"Did you have that bread at the press conference with the black things on top?"
"Yeah."
"Those were snails."
"...I thought those were olives."

A perfect ending to a perfect day.

-

Taiwan Day #3

2008-12-02T01:11:00.000-08:00

My guide and I started the day off by visiting an authentic tea house in Maokong, an area on top of a mountain where there are a lot of tea farms. The gondola ride up was out of service due to a recent typhoon, so we took a taxi to the top.

From the tea house, we had a great view of the city -

We also had a view of this huge temple.

Legend has it that if couples go to the temple together, they will break up soon after. It has something to do with the god being jealous.

At the tea house, we ordered traditional Chinese tea which you brew yourself in a tiny tea pot and drink out of tiny cups.

The miniature size of everything made it feel like we were at a kid's tea party (I told my guide this and she thought it was really funny; you never how some of this humor translates culturally).

We were given a tea pot with water on a hot plate to continually refill the mini teapot. The water soaked in the mini teapot with the green tea leaves for less than a minute before we transfered it to another container where it waited until we were ready to pour it into our shotglass-esque tea cups.

My guide also gave me a quick Chinese lesson. She explained to me that Chinese was originally based on picture representations of people, animals, and other things. Over the years the language has morphed so that most of it is no longer picture-based, but with some characters you can still see the image of what is being represented, such as with "farm" and "horse."

Inside the teahouse, I found this sculpture made entirely from the exoskeletons of lobsters (click on it to make it larger) -

After Maokong, we went to Din Tai Fung for lunch, which is famous for their dumplings and xiaolongbao (pronounced vaguely like "shalombot.") Xiolongbao are similar to dumplings but have a different shape and a different sort of filling.

Din Tai Fung is a chain restaurant (there's even one on the outskirts of L.A.) and is inside of a mall, however in 1993 the New York Times voted it as one of the ten best restaurants in the world!

The wait was an hour long and we needed to be back at the theater for a screening of Butch Jamie, so we dined in style by getting an order to go and eating it on a bench in the mall. The xiolongbao we ordered had a really excellent flavor. I'm not sure how it compares to the Din Tain Fung restaurant out here, but I plan to go someday to compare.

After lunch, we went to the screening of Butch Jamie. The Women Make Waves Film Festival scheduled three screenings of the film, however there was only one while I was in town.

The screening went well - people seemed to enjoy it and I took a lot of photos with fans and signed autographs.

Afterward, we gathered in a separate room for a Q&A. Sitting next to me is the translator.

After the Q&A, we went to two of Taipei's famous night markets. I took a lot of photos at the markets, so I'll be back soon with part two!

Taiwan Day #2

2008-11-28T00:03:00.000-08:00

With all the excitement at a temporary standstill over prop 8 and Butch Jamie's DVD release, I thought I'd pick up where I left off on my trip to Taipei last month. I've only gotten through the first day, and I have four more to go! If you need to catch up, you can read Day 1 part 1 here and Day 1 part 2 here.

Whereas my first day in Taiwan I took the most photos, my second day I took the least. But I still had a very productive day.

I started the morning off at the National Palace Museum, which is on the outskirts of the city.

Below you can see some of the surrounding greenery.

We weren't allowed to take photos inside, so that's it for the museum. The inside was nice, but I'm not a huge fan of museums in general (even though I really do try to go and be cultural) so I'm not a good one to ask. But if you're looking for a museum in Taipei, this one is supposedly the best.

After that, my guide and I went for dim sum, which I was introduced to when I visited Hong Kong several years ago. I have since been only once, in Chinatown here in L.A. My guide told me that dim sum originated in Hong Kong, although it's very popular in Taiwan. The restaurant we went to is open 24 hours and is a popular place to go after clubbing. I didn't take any photos, but we ate lots of tasty little items. As you may know, the whole concept of dim sum revolves around eating several dishes of small appetizer-type items, such as a plate with three dumplings, another plate with two small seafood tarts, etc.

Like in Korea, you don't tip in Taiwan, which is a really convenient custom except of course when you want someone to go out of their way for you. When my guide asked our cab driver to make a quick stop at a convenience store on the way to our destination, he refused. He did drop us off at the store, but didn't want to wait for us while we were inside. So I guess tipping does lead to some benefits after all.

That evening, I saw two films from fellow visiting filmmakers. The festival had organized a forum for us in a couple of days to talk about the production of our projects, and beforehand we made a point to see each other's films. Also that night, we went to a filmmaker's party that the festival had organized.

So that's it for Day 2. I took a lot more photos on Day 3, so I'll be back soon with more of my adventures.

Jsh-amie le Butch

2008-11-23T21:44:00.000-08:00

Butch Jamie is now officially on DVD! Here's David and I at the release party last Wednesday (OK, so the photo's a little cheesy. But kind of cute, right?) -

We had a fun time at the party. I had a friend of mine who I haven't seen since my Freshman year of high school unexpectedly show up, as well as a couple of fellow Smith College alums. I ran into a representative from Here TV who told me that they're buying the TV rights (they've been in negotiations for awhile, so it hadn't yet been official). They raffled off some free DVDs and David won Season 5 of the L Word which he gave to me.

Earlier this week, After Ellen published an interview I did with them -

"Michelle Ehlen is a cinematic jack (or should we say jill?) of all trades. For her debut feature, Butch Jamie, she wrote, directed, produced, starred and edited the film, which centers on the adventures of a struggling butch lesbian actress in L.A. who lands a male role and runs with it. Shot on a shoestring budget in upstate New York, the film landed Ehlen Best Actress accolades at the 2007 Outfest film festival in L.A., and the laughter of just about everyone in queer festival audiences around the country."
--Click here for the rest of the article.

Also, I found out that my French distribution company, Optimale, will be releasing the DVD soon. Check out the totally pimped out, bling-bling DVD cover they designed -

As for the U.S./Canadian DVD, you can order it through several different retailers, including Wolfevideo.com. You can also rent it through Netflix, Blockbuster, and many independent stores.

The Right Side of History

2008-11-20T20:01:00.000-08:00

I realize I'm preaching to the choir here, but let's get a couple of things straight. The GLBT community and our allies are not sore losers.

First of all, Prop 8 shouldn't be something that people vote on in the first place. Civil rights are not voted upon by people. The majority has no place to decide things for a minority. A democracy is not just defined as "majority rules." Taken from dictionary.com, a democracy is also - "a state of society characterized by formal equality of rights and privileges" and "political or social equality."

To preserve the essence of a democracy, a majority vote does not always prevail. In this case, the CA Supreme court has agreed to hear cases that challenge Prop 8. The argument for our side says that it should be deemed unacceptable a) because it constitutes a revision of, rather than an amendment to, the constitution, and b) Prop 8 violates the separation of powers doctrine under the constitution.

It always amazes when I think about how our forefathers got it "right" way back in the day - "all men are created equal," "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness," and the separation of church and state. Granted, "all men are created equal" did not mean the same thing then as it does today. But I think the brilliance of the document lies in the fact that it has always been something for us to aspire to. We are not quite there - yet. It's almost like the constitution is full of goals instead of self-evident truths and rights.

The separation of church and state, or rather lack there of, is a huge problem. We do not have a separation. When you file for a marriage certificate, you do not become legally married until you have a ceremony. It doesn't matter where you do it, but you must do it. The fact that someone can go to a church and become married in God's eyes and in the government's eyes at the exact same moment, weds the function of church and state. These things should be separate. The state should consider you married after you sign the paperwork, and if you choose to have a ceremony in a church before or after that, that should be a separate transaction. As such, there is no distinction, for many people, between civil marriage and religious marriage. The fact is, it is not the state's business to determine who is fit to get married, who can have their love legally sanctioned and their sexual relations deemed appropriate. Marriage is a legal contract between two people. For the state to determine who can and cannot enter a contract with another person is ludicrous. As such, the state has no real business "marrying" people. Its only function is to facilitate the rights and responsibilities that both people agree to take on.

I've had two straight friends of mine ask me what we hope to accomplish with these protests. While it seems obvious to me and many other people, I have to think that the question is still valid. I tell them that there is hope that the courts will deem Prop 8 an inapropriate revision to the constitution. But I'm quick to say that it's more than just that. This is a movement, a civil rights movement. Things happen because people get involved. They raise awareness, they start talking about it. Never before have our straight allies stepped up to the plate so significantly. Keith Olbermann would probably not just wake up one day and say "Hey, today is the day I'm going to talk about gay rights." Or if he had, it certainly wouldn't have been as passionate, persuasive, or as poignant as it was. Things like this are happening because we're causing them to happen. The comedian Wanda Sykes just recently came out of the closet because of Prop 8. I met a lesbian at Butch Jamie's DVD release party last night who told me she wouldn't have been there before Prop 8. Really, prop 8 had an effect on the release party? It sounds silly, but it's true. She told me that prior to the proposition, she was disconnected from the GLBT community but was OK with it. But after it passed, she wanted to get more connected. It may seem inconsequential, but it's not. There are thousands of people across the country, potentially millions across the world, that are in some small way modifying or changing their life because of this. Small changes lead to big changes; there is no other way.

A video titled Why Do We Protest? on YouTube Answers the question with these simple facts:
-We cannot marry in 48 states
- We can be fired for being gay in 31 states
-We can be removed from military service
-We are not protected under federal law
-We will no longer be ignored

It is not true that protests do not accomplish anything. All civil rights movements have happened because of the number of people who took to the streets to stand up for what they believed in. For the queer community, the Stonewall Riots 40 years ago kicked off the modern day GLBT movement that we are now living. Everything happens step by step - one thing happens, then another, then another, and then one day Ellen comes out of the closet and the world is never the same again. Seriously.

I've read some comments online that say gay people should just accept this and get over it. To quote George Bernard Shaw - “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” I understand, as I wrote in a post a few days ago, that the difference between myself and my opponents is that I am in favor of change and they are not. We can agree to disagree on this, but it doesn't change the fact that change is happening and will continue to happen. You can fight it while we facilitate it; you can maybe slow it down if you're lucky, but it is impossible - impossible for you to stop it. I love the sentiment our movement embraces - "We are on the right side of history."

Lastly, I understand why many religious institutions are riled up about this. I truly do understand their position, regardless of my desire for them to believe otherwise. But this isn't about religion. This isn't about God, sanctity, or tradition. Your God, and your Bible, and your church can believe whatever it wants to. These things have no place in our government. The fact that the President of the United States has to be Christian or he won't get elected is bad enough. For a country that was founded on religious freedom, our Puritanical roots run far deeper than they should. The fight over same-sex marriage is no more than the fight over the relationship between church and state. I hate to break it to you, but it's time for a divorce. And we shouldn't be part of the custody battle.

With that said, here are some more photos from the protest here in L.A. last Saturday -

Jus mindin' mah own bizness

2008-11-18T21:38:00.000-08:00

At the wrong place at the wrong time. I was out walking around my neighborhood - it was about 10:00pm, and there was a helicopter flying above with a spotlight looking for someone. The light shined on me and I hoped they didn't think I did it, whatever it was. I was in the back alley behind my apartment, and as I walked up the steps, I thought about how my friend Ange had told me to blog about my irrational fears. "Hey, that could be a good one," I thought. "That I'm afraid when the helicopter spotlight shines on me, they think I did it." (OK, so maybe it's not really that good of an idea. I wasn't really going to blog about it...)

I went inside my apartment and started cooking a pot of split pea soup. 5 minutes later, the L.A. police department was shouting outside my neighbor's door (by the way, we live in a nice neighborhood and this kind of thing is definitely not common). "This is the Los Angeles Police Department!! COME OUT NOW! Is there anyone else inside! Everyone needs to come out!"

Holy shit...

I walked to my screen door and just stood there, kind of waiting. I knew I was next.

"Don't come out yet, sir," he said to me. "OK - come out. Slowly, slowly!" I walked out and saw four guns aimed out me, one of which was a huge mother fuckin' rifle.

"Turn around! Slowly! Put your hands up in the air! Slowly! Put them on your head - slowly!"

Slowly, slowly, slowly...just please don't shoot.

"Put the cuffs on him!" A cop came forward and cuffed me. What the fuck? I thought they were just here looking for the bad guys...

I was escorted out of the building (and had to tell one of the cops to please turn off my stove) and was given to another cop. "Here, take him," he said. "He or she?" the other said. "She," I answered. "Sorry," he said. "It's OK." I'm not too concerned about that right now...

The woman who took me put me at ease. "We'll let you know what's going on in a minute. We just have to detain you and ask you some questions."

I stood against the police car and was patted down while she emptied my pockets. I was then asked to sit in the back of the car. The seats didn't have any cushions on them. They were made out of a hard plastic.

"Have you ever been arrested before?" "No." "Do you live here?" "Yes." "Why were you walking so fast back to your apartment?" "I don't know...I was out walking. Trying to get some exercise."

I sometimes walk in my neighborhood late at night. I could definitely look very suspicious at that time of night if something were to happen. "I need to get a gym membership," I thought to myself.

She continued to ask me more questions, most of which were repetitions of the first two - "Have you ever been arrested?" and "Do you live here?"

Thank God I'd never been arrested before. I did have the cops call my parents once when my friend and I were caught drinking in the bathroom stall at Macy's when I was 17. But that didn't really count.

...Did this count? Am I going to have to answer the next time "Yes, I've been arrested before"?

"Have you ever gotten a ticket before?" she asked. I didn't know what that had to do with it, but I think I got some bonus points after I answered "No."

"There was a robbery that just happened," she told me. "You look like one of the suspects. Step out of the car." She escorted me toward another police car, where my neighbor, who is black, was standing in cuffs. I felt worse for him than for me. Even so, I was hoping that he didn't think I did it. Maybe he was thinking the same thing about me.

"Look up," she said as the helicopter flew above us. I knew they were getting an ID on us. I wondered if we were going to be on the news. "Look up," she said again, as the helicopter made another circle around. I was wearing a hat. If the suspect had been wearing a hat as well, I knew that wouldn't be good. I thought that maybe I should stop wearing that hat so much.

I was escorted back to the cop car and sat for awhile. I wasn't nervous. The whole thing was too surreal to have an effect on me, and I did seem to think that they would know this was all a misunderstanding. But I did wonder if I'd have to call in absent from work to tell them I was in jail. I knew that the people at work would believe me if I told them I didn't do it. If they did take me to the station, I wondered if they'd let me go back up to my apartment so I could get my keys, lock my door, and turn off my lights. I wondered if I would have to go on trial. And miss my DVD release party on Wednesday. I was glad that I didn't have plans with anyone at that moment or anything really important to do. I was also really glad that I didn't have to go to the bathroom and that I was fully dressed and not in the middle of doing something crucially embarrassing when the cops came. Their timing was, for lack of a better word, perfect.

I fiddled with my wrists in the cuffs, making sure my hands weren't going numb. "Feel free to stretch out back there," the cop told me, "I know it's not the most comfortable." She was pretty cool. But stretch out? That didn't really seem like a possibility, what with the cuffs and hard plastic seats and all. I barely had room for my legs back there, and I'm 5'5".

After awhile, I was escorted to a wall where the cop took my cuffs off, and my neighbor was released as well. Another cop came over and started chatting with me about it. He told me how the jewelry store down the block had just gotten robbed. They saw the suspects go up the steps to our building but not come out, so they had to get everybody out of the building and question them (my neighbor and I happened to be the only two who were home). Talking to me, he was very friendly and smiley. We were no longer "cops" and "robbers" but now just Bob and Michelle. You know Bob, you did have a gun pointed at me earlier.

"Do you have any questions?" he asked. They still hadn't found the people who did it, but I didn't want to push my luck by asking how they knew it wasn't us. But I did want to clarify - "...Does this count as being arrested?" "No," he laughed. I don't think he had heard that one before. I knew it was a naive question.

After that, we were on our way. I suppose that's one less irrational fear I have now - met and overcome. I can probably check that one off my list, or at least just acknowledge that the fear wasn't so irrational after all. I don't know what it all means or if it has to mean anything. But I figured since I lived to tell about it, I may as well.

I believe

2008-11-16T21:37:00.000-08:00

I know that prop 8 isn't really about hate. It's about fear - fear of the unknown, and of change and progress. I believe that the fundamental difference between myself and someone against same-sex marriage is not sexuality. It's not religion, ignorance, or even tolerance. It's the idea that I believe that the direction our world is evolving, on all levels, is a very good thing. I believe that the world will someday be a much better place than it is and that it has been. Change works in our favor, not against us. And time will eventually bring us peace, not chaos.

I actually have great sympathy for people who cling to the past as if it's a blanket of security. They somehow believe that society is destroying itself, and that the world is headed for anarchy and destruction. They may believe in God, but they don't believe in people. They seem to think that left to our own devices, we will all deteriorate into beasts and monsters.

I believe that God did create us in his image. I believe that the peace and love inside all of us is a far greater force than any amount of so called evil. I don't believe that humanity is losing the fight to become a magnificent race of people. I believe in us. I believe in people. And I believe in our future.

DVD release party!

2008-11-15T16:00:00.000-08:00

This morning I went to the protest against prop 8 in downtown L.A. - I'll be posting photos from that soon. In the meantime, I wanted to announce the DVD release party that's happening for Butch Jamie here in L.A. My co-star David Au and I will both be there. Hope to see you there!

Nationwide Protest!

2008-11-12T22:55:00.000-08:00

It's gonna be frickin' huge. The nationwide protest this Saturday is happening in every single state and hundreds of cities across the country at the same time. The passage of prop 8 has kicked off a huge GLBT civil rights movement, and the community has vowed that it will not stop fighting until real progress is made.

Click on the icon below to see the locations from jointheimpact.com

Also, in case you haven't already seen Keith Olbermann's heartfelt and honest plea to the American people about the issue, here's the video -

Santa Barbara

2008-11-11T22:55:00.000-08:00

Last Friday I drove up to Santa Barbara, a beach town about 2 hours north of L.A., for a screening at the OUTrageous Film Festival.

That evening, there was a candlelight vigil against prop 8 that I missed, but I showed up in time to catch the protest afterward.

Saturday I spent part of the day watching films and the other part enjoying the gorgeous views.

Saturday night I went to a party that the festival put on. I wasn't expecting to stay long - I had already checked out of my hotel, and I planned to drive back to L.A. that night. But I met up with a group of lesbians who had seen Butch Jamie the night before, and we ended up partying into the wee hours of the night. I had a little too much to drink and even have some scandalous photos to prove it!
...But I won't be posting those here (I know, such a tease).

I ended up crashing at someone's place for the night, and then a group of us met up for breakfast the next day at an oceanside cafe.

It ended up being a perfect weekend getaway.

I'll Be Back Again Someday

2008-11-10T01:05:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I went to Santa Barbara for a screening of the film. I had no expectations and ended up having an excellent time. Butch Jamie has been on the festival circuit for a little over a year; during that time I've attended ten festivals, and have traveled around the world and back twice. Sitting in the movie theater during the show this time, I knew that things were coming to a close. And I was ready for them to.

I took a Psychology class when I was 14 and we were supposed to come in and discuss what our favorite fairy tale or story was when we were younger, and what that possibly said about us. My mom told me I loved "Frosty the Snowman"; that as soon as we'd finished reading it, I'd want to read it again and again. As you probably know, Frosty comes to life and there's all this fun and magic that happens, and at the end of it he melts. But before he does, he tells the children "I'll be back again someday."

It's interesting when I look at the way I've chosen to live my life - almost in seasons, with projects, people, places, and things coming and going. I'll confess to you that it was always my fear, as a creative person with a lot of ideas and interests, that I would never finish a project of any longevity. That I would end up with half-written scripts and partially formulated ideas. When I think back on the process of this film, starting nearly four years ago, my endurance has been the most rewarding for me.

For the past year, I've been asking myself "what's next?" "When's it's coming?" "I'm ready for the next chapter of my life. Hello, hello, where is it?" I have been in limbo for awhile - much longer than usual, and it's been a bit uncomfortable for me. I see this film as a sort of bridge from my past life to my future life, and it's been a very long bridge. But I know that part of embracing change is learning to sit with the stagnancy. I always tell myself that things wait to happen until we're ready. We may want to be ready and we may think we are, but most of the time we're not.

I don't believe that life is random and chaotic. It's smart - much smarter than us. It knows when we're ready, and sometimes it gives us a moment of clarity if we're able to listen. As I was watching the film for the 100th time, sitting alone in the third row with the audience completely behind me, I said to myself - "It's now. I'm ready now."

And the fight continues

2008-11-06T21:46:00.000-08:00

As you probably know by now, proposition 8, the ballot initiative to eliminate same-sex marriage in CA, won by a narrow margin yesterday.

But we haven't heard the last of it. Protests have been happening all over the state, and there's still some hope that the Supreme Court will overturn the prop.

(the sign above is in reference to a proposition that passed to treat chickens and other farm animals more humanely)

Last night I had the chance to go to the protest here in West Hollywood. When I arrived, a large group of people were blocking a main intersection (Santa Monica Blvd. and San Vicente) during rush hour.

Then a bunch of speakers talked about the issue while another group segmented off and headed up to Sunset Blvd. to protest up there.

This afternoon a group of people went to protest and have a press conference at the Morman Church in West L.A. (I had to work so I couldn't go). During the rally last night, we learned that 45%-65% of the money donated for proposition 8 was from the Morman Church. It's important to add that the movement against prop 8 is careful not to judge Mormans as a group. There were a significant amount of Mormans that spoke out against prop 8, and this was acknowledged during the rally last night. Nevertheless, the leaders of the Morman church are accountable for the massive amount of money donated in favor of the proposition - money that mostly came from out of state and that was used to run TV ads with false information.

On a positive note, we know that time is on our side. Change and progress are inevitable; it's more of a question of when than if. Proposition 22, which passed 8 years ago to ban same-sex marriage in the state (which was overturned by the sumpreme court recently, hence this new proposition) won by a 22% margin, compared to only a 4% margin this time - a huge change in such a short amount of time. There is no doubt that we are headed in the right direction.

"In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis." -Quentin Crisp

Vote NO on Prop 8!

2008-11-03T15:20:00.000-08:00

I'll be back soon with more photos from my trip to Taiwan. For now, I wanted to send out a last reminder to those in CA to vote no on 8! Prop 8 would amend the CA constitution to eliminate rights for same-sex couples, writing discrimination into the constitution. Proponents of the proposition have been spreading lies about what will happen if prop 8 doesn't pass - that schools will be required to teach gay marriage, that churches will lose their tax-exemption status, etc. These are simply not true. You can get the facts here.

Here's a short video about No on Prop 8 -

My friend David and his co-workers recently designed this ad against prop 8 -

Also, I recently edited a video for Calpirg to vote yes on prop 1A in CA. With all the attention around prop 8, prop 1A is less known but would be cool if it passed. It's for a high speed train to run up and down CA. You could get to L.A. to San Francisco in less than 3 hours! It will also help decrease pollution and get more cars off the road.

Taiwan Day #1 - part 2

2008-10-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

After visiting Longshan Temple in the morning, my guide suggested we take a quick look at the Chiang Kai-shek Memorial since it was on the way to where we were going.

While visiting the memorial, I learned a little bit more about Chinese/Taiwanese politics. Taiwan is divided by two political parties - the blue party is for the movement toward uniting with China, and the green party is against it. Due to controversy over Taiwan's relationship with China, and since Chiang Kai-shek is a former president of the Republic of China, recent government leaders from the green party have renamed the memorial without his name, which is now "National Taiwan Democracy Memorial Hall." The complex as a whole is now named "Liberty Square."

Inside the building up the steps is a huge statue of Chiang Kai-shek, which I learned was debated over whether or not to remove him completely.

The unification with China is a hot topic, and the Taiwanese people I spoke to were all against it (although there are no doubt people who favor it as well). Nevertheless, everyone seems to grimly acknowledge that it is something that is happening, gradually, step by step. Due to a supposed scandal with the last president, the current president that got elected is in favor of the unification with China.

Taiwan's independence is a complex issue; according to my guide, Taiwan has never been a part of China. Reading more about it on wikipedia, I learned that viewpoints on the issue range from believing that Taiwan has always been independent to the fact that it has always been a part of China.

After we visited Liberty Square, we went to a press conference for the festival. The festival organizers talked in Chinese while we sat and the press took photos. After that, we had some extra time before the opening night film started, so a group of us walked around the area.

Scooters such as these are the most popular means of transportation.

Although as a pedestrian, you always have to keep on the look out. People can drive them just about anywhere, including narrow and crowded open air markets such as this one.

These black eggs are supposedly called "steel eggs," because they're cooked in soy sauce until they get really hard. I had a chance to try one and it was pretty good.

We came a cross a second temple, much smaller than the one we went to in the morning.

This woman is burning paper replicas of money, which my guide told me that people burn so that their loved ones can use it in the afterlife.

Paper replicas of objects are also frequently burned to send to the spiritual world - telephones, TVs, cars, planes, and houses.

After that, we went to the theater for opening night.

The festival had flown in three other filmmakers besides myself - from France, Italy, and Thailand. Here I am with two of the filmmakers and one of the programmers from the festival -

Taiwan Day #1

2008-10-25T20:30:00.000-07:00

I recently got back from the Women Make Waves Film Festival in Taipei, where I spent four and half days touring the city and enjoying the festival. This trip marks my third trip to Asia, which my mom likes to think is a "record" (I told her that three really wasn't much of a record but she says it is for our family, so I guess we can pretend).

I visited a college friend for two weeks in Hong Kong 11 years ago right before they reunited with China, and as I covered in my blog last April, I went to the Women's Film Festival in Seoul, Korea. Despite the similarities between the countries, they are still so distinctly different. Compared to the culture in Seoul, Taipei seems to be several decades ahead in terms of women's rights and GLBT issues. I also learned that Taipei has the largest gay pride parade in Asia.

The culture in Taipei also seems more Westernized - there weren't the same formalities that I found in Seoul. For example, I noticed that people didn't think twice to pour themselves a drink whereas in Seoul it was a definite faux pas. Also, there was a certain awkwardness in the social rules concerning handshaking in Korea that I didn't find to be the case in Taiwan. My volunteer guide did ask me, however, if I minded that she call me by my first name, whereas in Seoul my guide automatically assumed otherwise. Status issues between young and old, male and female, gay and straight, seemed much more pronounced in Korea, and as a result Taiwanese culture, at least in the city, felt very similar to America despite differences in language, religion, and cuisine.

So I'll start at the beginning. Here's the view from the plane as I left L.A. -

After a 14 hour plane ride and a 15 hour time change, I arrived in Taipei late at night and ready to go to sleep and get on schedule with the local time. The next day I woke up at 8AM (something I don't do at home) and was ready to tour the city.

My first stop was Longshan Temple, the oldest and most famous in Taipei. I expected something similar to the Buddhist temple I visited in Seoul, but was pleasantly surprised to find that it was completely different. For starters, the religion at the temple was Tao. Buddhism and Tao are the two main religions in Taiwan, with Buddhism at 35.1% and Taoism at 33%, according to wikipedia.

Since my guide came from a Taoist background, she was able to tell me about the various customs in the temple. It was very crowded that day because it was one of the god's birthdays.

Most people carried several sticks of lit incense, which they carried around and made a wish on before they tossed them into a fire.

In Taoism, there are several different gods, each with their own specialty; you pray to one god if you want to do well in school, another if you want to find love, another if you want to have children, etc. All of the gods were at one time humans, and they are pronounced as gods after they die. From my understanding, there is also an overall God that was not ever human.

Bringing food for the gods is very customary.

Including prepackaged boxes of Chocopie.

I asked my guide what happened to all of the food at the end of the day. She told me that whoever puts it there can come back and take it.

Flowers are also a common gift to bring. These women are making small arrangements outside the temple to sell to visitors.

After the temple, we still had most of the day left to sightsee and enjoy the film festival. I'll continue with that in my next post.

A big lezzie butch dyke with a nice set of balls

2008-10-14T23:30:00.000-07:00

Today's title comes from the lyrics to one of Butch Jamie's songs, "Nice Set of Balls." Of all the things I can't do, singing is one of them (dancing, drawing, and sports are high on that list as well). But after several takes and a lot of editing, I'm happy to say that I managed to record my own voice for the song (and even happier to say that we had real singers perform the others).

The original soundtrack for the movie is now available to download through our SNOCAP store -

Tomorrow I'm heading out to Taipei! I'll be back next week with photos and hopefully some good stories about my adventures.

Between Now and Then

2008-10-09T00:20:00.000-07:00

My sea life calendar features a picture of a snake for October - it looks rather dark and foreboding, but I still feel optimistic about the month. I think the whole idea of autumn seems to suggest up-and-coming life changes and transformations.

But it's also possible that I've just been reading too many horoscopes, which is what I've been whittling my time away with these days. Horoscopes and online tarot cards. Searching for answers, advice, solace - I've been feeling restless, but I look forward to that changing.

Looking ahead, I have some really cool things coming up - next week I'm off to Taipei for the Women Make Waves Film Festival, a truly awesome opportunity. I feel a bit unprepared and somewhat nervous, but if it's anything like my trip to Seoul last April, it'll be incredible.

At the end of the month, I'm going to Santa Barbara for a long weekend to help teach a filmmaking class in conjunction with the Travel Channel. The weekend after that, November 7th, I'm going back up to Santa Barbara for a screening of Butch Jamie at the OUTrageous Film Festival.

November 18th the DVD comes out, and November 19th Wolfe is planning a DVD release party at OBar in West Hollywood (be sure to stop by if you're in the area! David and I will be there; more info on that to come).

Meanwhile, the film has been getting some increased media attention. After Ellen did a nice review of the film the other day, and we also did an interview that should be up in a couple of weeks. I have a few other interviews to look forward to as well, which I'll keep you updated on.

Here is the final DVD art (you can click on it to make it bigger), including the back cover (notice that the DVD features 3 pictures of Howard!)

David's Directorial Debut!

2008-09-30T00:02:00.000-07:00

My good friend and co-star from Butch Jamie, David Au, now has a short film that he wrote and directed on LOGO called Fresh Like Strawberries. It already premiered on the channel (I found out about it too late), but it'll be re-running periodically. You can also watch it on LOGO's website.

David shot the film while we were at L.A. Film School, during the time I made Half-Laughing. Our production schedules conflicted with each other, but I was able to edit his film in addition to crewing on some of his other films, and he worked on my other films as well.

He's now in the process of finishing up a feature-length version (still untitled) of his short. It's a great character-driven script with a strong gay subplot, lots of comedic relief (something not in the short), and some hot guy on guy action as well (also not in the short - sorry guys). If all goes well with finding money for the production, we could be working on it at some point next year.

Eve Ensler's "Drill, Drill, Drill"

2008-09-24T21:18:00.000-07:00

If you came here to read something Butch Jamie related, my producing partner recently wrote a "Fun Facts" post that you can read here. Otherwise, I wanted to share with you some points of interest about Sarah Palin that were brought to my attention since my last post.

If you want to read more about the Palin controversy, check out a blog called Women Against Sarah Palin. Today there's a great post by Republican women who refuse to vote for McCain/Palin. My favorite was a quote that somebody included from Mark Twain - "Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it."

You can also read a posting about Palin that my Christian yet pro-Obama friend wrote on her blog here. Since she has many Christian friends, her posting sparked some controversy, although I'm glad to know that not all Christians are "against" us.

My mom sent me a link to a PSA that was put out independently by the Defenders of Wildlife Action Fund. Palin has a terrible pro-wildlife record, from shooting wolves by aircraft to even arguing with Bush to remove polar bears from the endangered species list. Since Palin is a supposed advocate of "pro-life," I would urge her to realize that life does not just refer to people.

I used to work in the media center for a non-profit environmental and consumer advocacy organization called PIRG, and I still occasionally take on assignments for them. Last month, I videotaped interviews of former PIRG employees and asked them, "What do you think is the most important environmental issue today?" 4 out of every 5 people said the same thing - global warming.

Sarah Palin, however, doesn't believe in global warming, as if it's some sort of passe theory. Or rather, "part of God's plan," as she calls it. I wonder if unnecessary human violence against wolves and other animals is part of God's plan as well?

Two people have passed along to me a moving essay about all of this that was written by Eve Ensler, pasted below from The Huffington Post. I hope you will pass it along as well.

Drill, Drill, Drill
By Eve Ensler

I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.

I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.

But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.

I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.

Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, "It was a task from God."

Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not.

She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.

Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.

Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.

Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.

I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.

If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, "Drill Drill Drill." I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.

Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?

If the Glasses Fit...look a little closer

2008-09-17T21:15:00.000-07:00

As usual, it's been far too long since I last wrote. With the presidential campaign in full swing, I wanted to post a great SNL skit with lesbian heart throb (as I call her anyway) Tina Fey as Gov. Palin and Amy Poehler as Senator Clinton.

When I first learned that McCain had chosen Palin for his running mate, I thought it was a smart move for the Republican party to choose a woman. Then of course, after I found out more about her, I realized it wasn't such a smart choice after all. I hoped that would mean good news for us Democrats, but ironically, people seem to be taken with her. As much as I don't like McCain, it's scary to think that I actually like him more than Palin. If he kicks the bucket while he's in the White House, we're all in trouble. If he even gets to the White House, we're all in trouble. My Dad, who's been a Republican all his life, eventually swung over to the left after W came along. As he keeps saying, "Come on people - it's the 21st century - wake up."

It's Here and It's Queer!

2008-08-30T23:46:00.000-07:00

Butch Jamie is now on pre-sale from Wolfe Video! The DVD officially comes out on November 18th, but they're already taking orders. It'll soon be making its way to other retailers, but since it's so new, right now it's just at Wolfe and TLA Video (although if you do want to get a copy, I recommend using my link here to Wolfe because it's better for the filmmakers that way).

Wolfe is in the process of sending out press releases, so hopefully soon the film will get some good coverage. Festival activity will probably taper off after the release, but right now there are several upcoming screenings scheduled.

The cover art turned out a little differently than I had thought, but I like it - I think it looks like a fun movie. I'm also glad they were able to incorporate the photos of Lola and Jill. But guess who isn't on the cover? ...Howard! They had to get another cat, a "cat double," because none of the photos we took worked. I think this cat looks just like Howard, except the real Howard seems to have sort of a smile...

Lovely Ladies

2008-08-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

In addition to Howard's photo shoot, we also did shoots with Olivia/Lola and Tiffany/Jill for the marketing of Butch Jamie's DVD release. The DVD hasn't made its appearance online yet as they're still working on the new cover art, but you can add it to your Netflix queue. For a long time the Netflix site said "availability unknown," but I just checked and it now says "Releases on DVD Nov 18, 2008." It's finally becoming real!

Olivia and Tiffany both live in Albany, so Leah (my producer and Howard's mom) did the shoot with them.

These photos are of Lola looking at and interacting with the cat (her hair is much shorter than in the movie - hopefully some Photoshop magic will be able to fix that).

This is Jill laughing at me with the cat.

And then there's me, with the cat. I don't have copies of my photo shoot, but hopefully soon I'll have the artwork to show you. Wolfe Video came up with a funny concept for the cover (let me guess, with the cat?), so I'm looking forward to seeing how it all comes together. Howard and I will definitely be on the cover, and I'm hoping they'll be able to use something from Lola's and Jill's shoot to put on the front as well.

Copy Cat

2008-08-01T23:47:00.000-07:00

Wolfe Video has been busy finalizing the cover art for Butch Jamie's DVD, which will hopefully be up on their site soon. As I mentioned in my last post, Howard had his own photo shoot.

I wasn't there as Howard (real name Huey) lives in Upstate New York. I had his mom take some photos with him so that Wolfe could work some Photoshop magic and pose me and Howard together on the DVD cover.

Huey's Mom fosters other cats who need a temporary home before being adopted.

She recently took care of a litter of four kitties and ended up adopting a cute little black one named Frankie (she thought about adopting the orange one, but learned that black cats have a harder time getting adopted so she went for him instead).

When Frankie grows up, he wants to be just like his big brother -

Out of the Closet and into the Movies

2008-07-19T17:31:00.000-07:00

The past ten days I've been busy going to screenings and parties at Outfest, where Butch Jamie made its premiere last year. Since the festival is in L.A., Outfest is really the best GLBT festival in terms of networking - you get to meet film distributors, network executives, producers, other filmmakers, actors, crew, etc. And every night of the week there's a party!

Here are some pics of the colorful spreads from opening night (I feel like those ladies who take photos of the dining room table at the holidays. I guess when you get older some things start to make sense).

Since I didn't have a film in the festival this year, I've been promoting Butch Jamie's DVD release, which is scheduled for November 4th. I also met up with Wolfe Video to do a photo shoot for the cover art. The other actors, including Howard the cat, will all have separate photo shoots since they're in Upstate New York and we'll Photoshop them in depending on how it all looks. Howard is already becoming the star - what I wore, (it couldn't be black because he is black), what my arms were doing, what my face was doing, how I sat (can you slouch down a little so we'll be able to see the cat?) all revolved around him. It reminded me of how Jamie might feel when she shoots her next movie with Howard in Heterosexual Jill.

I also went to see several movies this year, including the much anticipated adaptation of Sarah Waters' Affinity. The two other movies based on her novels, Tipping the Velvet and Fingersmith, were so much better that I was disappointed with this one. The movie isn't bad, but it's not great either.

My favorite this year was the newly restored Word is Out, a late 1970s documentary about gays and lesbians that'll be making its way to DVD soon. Despite the fact that the documentary is 95% sit-down interview and was more than two hours long, I wasn't bored at all (which is saying a lot, considering my attention span and long movies). In addition to the great 1970s kitch value, the humor and honesty of everyone's stories in a time when the closet was a much more populated place made it really fascinating to watch.

It was also interesting for me to learn that the film was considered funny when it came out 30 years ago - I thought a lot of the humor came with time (and some of it did - the music, outfits, interior design, chain smoking, mid-day drinking, and the P.O. Box listed at the end of the movie to mail in audience members' comments were all amusing reminders of the past), but it turns out that most of it was timeless. Even then, when positive portrayals of gays and lesbians on-screen were rare, it seems that we had the ability to laugh at ourselves.

Oh, I get it - size DOES matter...

2008-07-09T00:05:00.000-07:00

As I wrote about in my last couple of postings, I recently went to San Francisco where I screened Butch Jamie and checked out SF Pride. Sunday was more Pride activities - I slept in and missed the parade, but I went to the Pride festival that afternoon. It was crowded and I didn't stay too long, but I did take some pictures of some of the costumes I saw.

I also braved my way through a tented area that in spite of the police presence elsewhere during the event, seemed to be set aside specifically for people to smoke pot. It was also the place for men to be buck naked if they so chose. While the clothed people outnumbered the naked 30:1, it was packed shoulder to shoulder and I had to ball my hands up inside of the sleeves of my jacket so I didn't accidentally touch something I didn't want to. There was no running water and soap around, and the last thing I wanted was somebody's pubic lice on my hands.

The "highlight" of the tent (other than I probably got high from all of the second hand pot smoke. I always wonder if that kind of thing would show up on a drug test) was the 3/4 of an inch penis I saw; I didn't know they made them that small, and a light bulb went off in my head as to why penis jokes are so popular. Nevertheless, I saw enough during my ten minutes in there to satisfy my lesbian curiosity for a very long time.

Pink Queers and Topless Dykes

2008-07-05T00:25:00.000-07:00

As I wrote in my last blog post, Butch Jamie screened at the Frameline film festival at the Castro last weekend. It was the first time I saw BUTCH JAMIE listed on a theater marquee - a very cool thing to see.

I learned that they recently restored the marquee for Gus Van Sant's upcoming film Milk, where Sean Penn plays the 1970s openly gay mayor Harvey Milk. I'm looking forward to seeing it when it comes out later this year.

In addition to the film festival, it was also SF Pride last weekend. Saturday night was "Pink Saturday," a blocked-off street where you BYOB and mill about.

The best part was really the people-watching. After all, Pride is the new Halloween.

Also on Saturday was the dyke march.

Unlike the march in L.A., SF did have several topless women walking around.

One lady was carrying her breasts in her hands, claiming that the doctor told her they were 21 lbs each (not that I'm an expert on boob weight, but they didn't look that big. I tried to weigh my boobs a couple of months ago just for the hell of it on my small postage scale. It seemed that they were about 2 lbs each max, but I'm probably way off. They're hard to weigh since they're attached to your body).

San Fran-derella

2008-07-01T23:45:00.000-07:00

San Francisco is really the perfect place to screen a lesbian movie. Last Friday, Butch Jamie screened at the Castro Theatre. The house was full and the audience fantastic.

It was the first time I watched the movie the way I always wanted to - with laughter from start to finish, in all the right places. Cheering, clapping, even screaming - the energy around me was so contagious I couldn't help but smile as I watched the film (and I honestly tried not to - I think it looks so smug. I've seen several stage shows where the director is the loudest person laughing - of course it's great to enjoy what you do and all, but the idea at that point is for *other* people to enjoy it).

I've had several people ask me "How does it feel?" How does it feel to screen your film, win an award, etc.? I always feel that my answer disappoints them. It's hard to explain - it's not how you think it would. Making a film, publicizing, and selling it is a long process - a series of successes and failures over several years. You take it day by day, moment by moment. It never happens all at once (or at least it hasn't for me). You have to step back to appreciate it sometimes. You don't get overwhelmed by the excitement of it all because it happens so slowly - nothing happens overnight. It builds gradually, and you watch the horizon from a hundred miles away. You see it evolve and take shape but it never seems to happen fast enough. You live faster than your life happens, and anything that does happen is "so five minutes ago."

But then you do have these moments. Like sitting in a crowded theater and taking the journey of your story through the eyes of other people. Feeling as if you're making some sort of connection with them, as vague and faint as it feels sometimes. Talking to them during the Q&A; telling the same stories over and over again, but getting better at them every time. Meeting some of them afterward and answering questions they were too afraid to ask with the audience, or hearing them talk about their own cat who should be an actor.

Afterward, life seems to return to an unaltered state. Like a Cinderella fairy tale, I go back to my day job, my friends and acquaintances who haven't seen the film, my lean bank account, small apartment, and car that hasn't been washed in a year (I know, I know - I'm getting to it). And I work and wait and wish and watch, knowing that it's real but wondering if its not.

~Pride~

2008-06-14T00:35:00.000-07:00

As I wrote in my last post, last Friday and Saturday I did Pride-related dyke activities. Sunday I missed the Pride parade, but I went to check out the festival.

I learned this year (which I'm somewhat ashamed to admit, seen as how it's very basic Gay History) that Pride started in 1970 as a way to commemorate the Stonewall Riots the year before. I was amazed to learn that the tradition has been around for nearly 40 years.

My day started out with volunteering at GLAAD's booth for a few hours. GLAAD stands for Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, and they work to put an end to LGBT discrimination and inaccuracy in the media.

As I wrote a couple postings ago, the highlight for me this year was getting to meet the moms of the gay teens. Had I not been working the booth, I probably wouldn't have even known they were there; so it was a good opportunity to talk with some different people.

After that, I went to get free Hepatitis A and Hepatitis B vaccines from Hepteam, who had a booth there.

After that, I walked around and looked at stuff.

This year I saw two new additions - a teeth whitening booth ($120 for a 15 min. whitening, and believe it or not - maybe you will, because this is L.A. and these are gay men after all - all four of the machines were occupied, and there were people waiting in line as well) and a small petting zoo.

And when the dyyyyykes...go marching iiiiiiin....

2008-06-11T23:25:00.000-07:00

As I discussed in my last post, last weekend was L.A. Pride. To start the weekend off, I went to the Dyke March Friday night. I've only been to one Dyke March before, which was purely accidental. Back in 1998, my g-friend and I were walking through a pocket park in NYC when we happened to run into a group of lesbians. They said, "Are you here for the Dyke March?" "...What's the dyke march?" "It's a group of dykes who march." Right...

As you probably know, the Dyke March is just that - its purpose is to increase lesbian visibility (inclusive of bisexuals and transgendered people), build community, and all that other stuff. It's actually a nice opportunity to feel a part of the lesbian community, or at least to feel like there is one. I see so many gay men everywhere I go, one starts to wonder if this phenomenon called lesbianism really exists or if the joke's on me.

One of the cool things about the NYC march was they blocked off a huge street for us - 5th Avenue or something like that. To walk in the middle of a major street in NYC was an experience in and of itself. The other cool thing was that several women took their shirts off and there were a lot of bra-less boobs hanging out.

This year in L.A. was very similar, although there were no boobs to be seen. The closest I saw were these paper mache ones taped to the back of someone's wheelchair/cart.

During the march, the dykes on bikes lead the way.

The Pride Headquarters is located in West Hollywood across the street from the Pacific Design Center. I took a pretty picture of it so I'm going to include it here.

Saturday I went to the first annual Dyke Day L.A. It was held in a different location than the rest of Pride, at Barnsdall Art Park near Hollywood at the top of a hill.

The view was great, the sun was shining, the breeze was blowing, music was playing - it was a perfect afternoon. I chilled on the grass and watched some bands, dancers, comedians, and even a demonstration on how to use a device so that you can pee standing up (she looked like she was peeing into a bucket on stage; I'm not sure if it was really her pee or some sort of water contraption she devised, but either way I'm sorry I don't have a photo of it).

Sunday I went to the Pride festival. I'll post some photos from that in a couple of days.

The Age of Aquarius

2008-06-09T23:30:00.000-07:00

Of all the holidays I love the most, I think the ones I started celebrating as an adult are my favorite. The two that come to mind for me are Passover and Pride. The cool thing about Pride (other than the booze and eye candy, of course) is that unlike going home for the holidays, I've been able to celebrate it wherever I happen to be, and they each represent a different time in my life. I went to my first Pride when I was a baby dyke at Smith College in Northampton, MA. I went to NYC Pride the summer that my girlfriend and I lived there, the summer that we fell in love. I marched with PFLAG at Fresno Pride along with her parents, soon after they had come to accept her sexuality, nearly 10 years after she first came out to them. I went to L.A. Pride the summer after we broke up, and I made out with a guy just for the sheer queerness of it all (I'm more of a guy than he'll ever be, so it was very "gay"). I've also gone to events in San Francisco, D.C., Kansas City, and Albany. They're all different, from the 80% male presence in West Hollywood to the 80% female presence in Northampton. Some years it's a lot of fun, other years I couldn't care less; but I always go, if nothing else than to collect the free condoms (yes, I do have a use for them, and no, it's not for *him*).

I started going 12 years ago, and like everyone else, I've seen a lot of changes in that short amount of time - landmark legal successes, huge social changes, and a shift in the demographic of people that are coming to Pride. This year I saw several groups of high school students that were there with their school's Gay/Straight Alliance. I also spoke with three different straight mothers, all of whom had independently come with their teenage gay son or daughter. Meeting the moms of the gay teens was definitely the highlight for me this year. I thought it was the sweetest, most supportive thing a parent could do for their child.

After thinking about it, I realized that these moms were probably from the hippy generation, the generation of people who started the sexual revolution that queer people are continuing today. Pride has free AIDS tests and Hepatitis vaccines, dildos, lube, condoms, handcuffs - you name it, you can find it. Not only does Pride encourage safe-sex, but also healthy sexual expression in general - be who you are, express yourself, accept yourself. Love your neighbor, don't go to war, get politically involved, and don't vote Republican (OK, so there are gay republicans, and yes, they sometimes have a booth at Pride. But I haven't seen them since George Bush got elected...coincidence??). I have to say that it seems as if the queer community is the legacy of the hippy movement. Sexual freedom and politics merge in a way that continues to transform society. Where the personal continues to be political, where the unspoken is spoken, and where deeply ingrained taboos are challenged and overturned.

I know it won't stop with us, which is definitely a good thing. There are other groups that we are paving the way for, and if I'm lucky I'll be able to see them take the stage during my lifetime. There is one thing that the religious right is right about - we are changing the fabric of society; we have been for a long time. But if you look back over the course of human history, how can one believe that the way things have been is beneficial to humanity? We've killed ourselves, divided ourselves, repressed ourselves. Isn't it time for something new?

Cat in the Hat

2008-05-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

Here are a couple of photos of Howard the cat (one of the actors from Butch Jamie) sitting in a pile of laundry wearing a hat.

What can I say - I ran out of blog topics.

But not for long - summer is coming and so are a lot of fun events. Next week I'll be going to L.A. Pride, the following week I'll be at Butch Jamie's screening at The Broad Humor Film Festival here in L.A., and at the end of June I'll be going to a screening at Frameline in San Francisco (the film is screening in seven cities in June but I won't be going to all of them; here's a link to the current schedule so you can see where else it'll be).

I also just found out that the Women Make Waves Film Festival in Taiwan wants to fly me out there for a week in October! I had such an amazing time in Korea that I couldn't pass up the opportunity to go to another international festival.

So that's the update for now. I'll be back next week-ish with a report from Pride.

Yay for Gay!

2008-05-15T23:55:00.001-07:00

Today the California Supreme Court ruled in favor of same-sex marriage! This evening I attended a celebration rally in West Hollywood.

Some facts:

- While domestic partner benefits have been extended to same-sex couples in CA for the past few years, the court ruled that providing these rights through a separate system of domestic partnerships does not satisfy the state constitution.

- In a 4-3 decision, the court ruled - "In light of the fundamental nature of the substantive rights embodied in the right to marry — and their central importance to an individual's opportunity to live a happy, meaningful and satisfying life as a full member of society — the California Constitution properly must be interpreted to guarantee this basic civil right to all couples, without regard to their sexual orientation."

The court also noted: "Our state now recognizes that an individual's capacity to establish a loving and long-term committed relationship with another person and responsibly to care for and raise children does not depend upon the individual's sexual orientation, and, more generally, that an individual's sexual orientation - like a person's race or gender - does not constitute a legitimate basis upon which to deny or withhold legal rights."

- For more information, check out The National Center for Lesbian Rights, Lambda Legal, or the ACLU - three organizations that were involved with this landmark case.

- Right wing conservatists are already trying to overturn the ruling with a ballot initiative. To see how you can help fight back, check out Equality for All.

As for me, I don't have anyone to marry at this time, but I know she's out there somewhere... :)

-

Butchsie

2008-05-08T12:45:00.000-07:00

Below is an interview I did for Bay Windows to help promote Butch Jamie's screening in Boston tomorrow night.

Butchsie
by Brian Jewell
arts writer
Thursday May 8, 2008

Michelle Ehlen tweaks Tootsie and does a lot of other stuff, too

What does it take to make it in the scrappy world of independent film? Talent, vision, determination? All that, sure, but when your business card says writer / director / producer / actress / editor, you need one thing more: boundless energy. Even over the phone it’s clear that rising queer filmmaker Michelle Ehlen has energy to spare. She talks a mile a minute as we discuss her first feature film, Butch Jamie. Imagine a lesbionic twist on Tootsie and you’ve got the high concept of this low-fi comedy in which a butch actress, played by Ehlen, finds she can only get roles by pretending to be a man. Already receiving accolades on the festival circuit, this quirky comedy is sure to be a highlight of this year’s Boston Gay & Lesbian Film/Video Festival.

Q: Congrats on Butch Jamie getting picked up by Wolfe for video distribution.
A: Yeah! They’re going to put it out probably some time this fall.

Q: And you’ve been doing well on the festival circuit.
A: That’s been really cool. It won Outstanding Actress at Outfest and Best Narrative Feature at the Chicago Gay and Lesbian Film Festival, and Best Female Feature at the Long Island gay & lesbian festival.

Q: So take me back to the movie’s beginning.
A: It came out of a couple of things. I did a short film called Ballet Diesel, which was a mockumentary about a butch lesbian with closet girly habits. It was the first comedy I had done, and it was really well received at film festivals. So when it came time to do my first feature I really wanted to do a comedy. And then the actual content came from some things in my personal experience. The film is fictional, but I lived in L.A. for a few years and as an aspiring writer/director I put some of my career frustrations into the film, into the things that Jamie deals with. Being in L.A. as a butch lesbian, and being at odds with how people see you and what they except from you, that’s where the gender stuff in the film comes form.

Q: Have you had any audition experiences like Jamie’s?
A: I used to go out on auditions in college, but after I graduated in 2000 I’ve focused on writing and directing. There was a short period when I moved out of L.A. - that’s actually when we shot the film, when I lived in upstate New York - and I did do some auditions for community theatre then. And I did grow my hair out and dress up a little to appear more feminine, so I took some of that and exaggerated it into what Jamie does in the film. But I wasn’t really pursuing an acting career. It was more for fun.

Q: So why act in your film? You had plenty on your plate...
A: Well, I do really love acting. I’ve been acting since I was young. I consider myself more of a writer and director, and also the way I look has steered me away from acting. And that wasn’t a big heartbreak because I was going to do my own thing anyway. But since I write films about characters that have a lot of me in them, I always saw myself in the role. I think working as a director and actor, I can let go of my inhibitions and give myself carte blanche to dive in there. And I think in some ways my acting informs my directing, because I feel the scene in a very intimate way. So I think it’s worked out well. I don’t picture myself acting in all my films, but it’s not something I’d rule out.

Q: I wonder about the logistics of acting and directing at the same time. How do you make that work?
A: Communication with the director of photography is key. He’s the one making sure we get the shot. That technical stuff is his job anyway, and I think being in the scene with the actors you can monitor the performances. There are some compromises, but I think I gain a lot by being on both sides. And of course we use stand-ins when we’re working out the blocking.

Q: Did you have the chance to do much rehearsal before filming?
A: Yes, because we shot over a period of three months because we were shooting on weekends. Although, performances can get stale if you over rehearse, so we tried to leave more room for spontaneity as we went on. You have to find the right balance.

Q: You said you knew you wanted your first feature to be a comedy. Was that for commercial reasons or just where your head was at then?
A: Kind of both. I did think it would be more commercial. And I think you can do a good comedy on video, while with drama I think of shooting on film and trying to get name actors. Well, indie name actors. And my previous project had been a dramatic short, Half Laughing, so I wanted to do something fun. Plus I hadn’t really done comedy when I was doing theatre. Ballet Diesel was really my first step into comedy, so I wanted to explore that more.

Q: Was the process fun?
A: Yeah, it was. We improvised a little on set. Especially the scenes with the cat. You can’t get the cat to rehearse.

Q: You alluded to production costs ... even with the advances in digital video it’s not cheap to make a film. Was this a credit card movie?
A: [laughs] Well, it’s privately funded. Being in upstate New York instead of L.A. really saved us money. All of our locations were free, except one. So that was a big thing. And in terms of production design we didn’t have to do much. We shot it on DV and the DP had some of his own equipment, which also really helped our costs.

Q: I was interested that you suggested you wouldn’t shoot a drama on DV.
A: Well, film is very beautiful and gorgeous. Whenever I think about my dramatic stuff I feel like it needs to be on film. Video seems more like TV than cinema, which I think works for comedy. We’re used to seeing sketch comedy that looks like this, you know? I’m not anti-video.

Q: And the DV aesthetic, I think, fits with the naturalistic tone of Butch Jamie. The film has this interesting tension between farcical situations and a low-key tone.
Q: You think part of that is the shooting format?

Q: Yeah, because it fits with the down-to-earth vibe.
A: Yeah, that makes sense. It all works together, the format and the acting style and the writing style.

Q: You said you’d been acting a long time. How did you get started?
A: I started when I was eight. I got the lead role in the school play because no one else wanted to memorize the lines. And it was a male part, too! It was a great experience for me because I was shy and I learned to express myself. I did that through college, and then I went into editing, and evolved into the writing and directing. I never really wanted to be an actor professionally, but now I think I would like to do it professionally. Now that the film and the acting has been very well received, I’m interested in acting in other people’s projects. But if I never act in another project again, that would be fine. While if I never wrote or directed, I would feel like something was missing.

Q: So how did you move into writing in directing?
A: I did a little bit in college, but I didn’t really start until I moved to L.A. and started working up to being an editor. I was working as an assistant editor and it’s very isolating. I realized I didn’t want to be boxed in a room forever. I wanted to be working with people and getting my ideas out there. But that job really showed me how to be a director, what the steps are. You shoot a short film, and you edit it, and you send it to film festivals, and you make contacts with distributors. So I quit that job and went to the L.A. Film School. In school I shot some films on 16 and 35 mm, which was way too expensive, but I’m glad I did it. After I got out of film school my first task was to write a feature. I still want to do this project someday, but it’s pretty high budget. It’s a 1920s lesbian flapper period piece. It could be a Brokeback Mountain type of thing, but for women. So I had to think of a script I could do myself, without millions of dollars. I was definitely thinking low budget while I was writing Butch Jamie.

Q: I love what I’m hearing about your first feature script. I hope that gets made.
A: I definitely want it to happen someday. It’s just the process of starting small and building up to that. I don’t have an agent now, but hopefully Butch Jamie will lead to getting an agent and then I can shop that around.

Q: And you have another project in the works, right?
A: Yes, I’m writing it now and hope to shoot it next year. It’s called Heterosexual Jill and it’s sort of a spin-off of Butch Jamie. I don’t want to say too much about it, because your readers haven’t seen Butch Jamie yet. But it’s focused on that character, Jill, and some of the other plot lines are continued.