I was at a meeting today and there was a man in his 40s - heterosexual, rational, and in control. He started to tell us a story about personal growth.
When he was a teenager, he and and his buddies used to beat up gay men and men who were effeminate. Where he grew up, it was one of those things you "just did," and he said he was actually afraid of gay people, a true homophobe.
When he went to college, he attended NYU, an excellent school smack dab in the middle of one of the largest gay meccas - the West Village. Arriving for the first time, he walked out of the subway and into Washington Square only to discover thousands of gay men walking around. He told himself he had two options - beat them (literally), or join them (figuratively). And he knew the only logical choice was to try to overcome his fears.
In time, he got to know them, and he came to have a very close group of gay friends. When AIDS hit, he lost many friends to the disease and it affected him deeply.
Then he said - "These people were so loving, so caring, and so accepting," and he stopped for a moment as he started to cry, "and the world hates them."
I was taken off-guard by his story and his emotion, and I stared at the floor to focus myself. I focused on hearing his words and feeling his sentiment. And I started to cry as well.
Not necessarily because the world does hate us, but because of the shame he seemed to have felt for having been loved by his enemy. At the complete injustice he feels for a group of people to which it appears he has nothing to gain from fighting for. And for the sheer beauty of the power that love has to transform people.
Showing posts with label GLBT community. Show all posts
Showing posts with label GLBT community. Show all posts
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
The Gay Ghetto
I went for a walk around West Hollywood (L.A.'s gay-borhood) over the weekend, something I haven't done since last summer. I can't tell you how many businesses have closed since I've been there. In fact, I've never seen so many empty storefronts before that weren't in a ghetto (and no, the "gay ghetto" doesn't count). Of course it's no surprise with the economy being in the state it's in, but seeing its effects hit me.
I went to visit A Different Light Bookstore, L.A.'s only GLBT bookstore, for the last time. After nearly 30 years of business, it's officially closing its doors at the end of the month (although will still be operating online and in San Francisco).
Similarly, in NYC, The Oscar Wilde Bookshop, operating since 1967 and believed to be the oldest GLBT bookstore in the country, is closing this month as well.
On the one hand, it's sad to see these businesses, which have had meaning and significance in our community for decades, close their doors. On the other hand, you could say that capitalism does not discriminate - these businesses are leaving because they are no longer needed by enough people. In 1967, The Oscar Wilde Bookshop was one of the only places to buy GLBT material anywhere in the country. The internet and big business have put a strain on independent shops in general, but there is another issue with GLBT businesses, and that is our community is becoming more and more mainstream. We can now buy GLBT books virtually anywhere - not just from businesses that cater specifically to us.
At the WGA panel I went to recently, one panelist mentioned that 10 or so years ago, there were 5,000 GLBT bookstores in the country. Now there are only 500, which he says "is a good thing," signifying that we've become less marginalized.
I can't say it's a good thing, but I don't think it's a bad thing either. It's just part of our evolution - you give up one thing to become another.
But while so many businesses have closed their doors, others in WeHo seemed to be booming. The nail salon, for example, was packed (Gay men do seem to love their pedicures, and the online marketplace still hasn't found a way to tap that).
Like looking at a glass that's half full, does an empty storefront point to the business that has failed and left, or does it point to the new one approaching? Emptiness is also an opportunity in waiting.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I Love L.A...?
My mom tells me that my dad thinks/hopes I will one day move to live near them and my sister's family in Missouri (they moved to the mid-west from CA after I went to college). She's tried to talk some sense into him, but he tells her to keep an open mind about it. Not that he's ever mentioned it to me, and he probably knows better than to even try. No offense to anyone in Missouri because I do know several cool people that live there and I'm sure they're happy. But everytime my mom tells me this (and it's been at least twice), I think - REALLY?? SERIOUSLY???
OK, so it's sweet. It's sweet to want to have the family all live near each other. But my family does not live near a city like Kansas City or St. Louis, but rather near the Arkansas border and a notorious little place called Branson, which is like Vegas without the gambling, booze, and titties (uh, so what's Vegas without the gambling, booze, and titties? Riiiiight... Think "good clean fun" with lots of fiddles, corny jokes, and patriotism).
Not to sound like a snob, but there are few places that could begin to satisfy me socially, culturally, and professionally. Even here, with everything this city offers, I have yet to fall in love - really fall in love with Los Angeles. I've lived here for 6 non-consecutive years (4 and then 2), but I still think it can one day happen.
Lately I have found myself thinking that I'm really lucky to live here, and that there are not many places in the world where I can do or see ____. Case in point. I recently joined a radical spirituality group. And it's...radical. Last time we met, a body artist came to share with us his experiences on the intersection between pain, ritual, and spirituality. Then with several candles lit and a couple of people drumming on some bongos, he carved a flower design with a scalpel into a woman's back. "Do they numb the back first?" my Mom asked me. "No, Mom - that's the point. Using pain and ritual as a transformative process. A spiritual transendence." OK, so I don't expect everyone to get it. But that's the point; there's enough people in L.A. who do, and who can come together and support such an endeavor.
My mom and I were walking near my apartment during this "Why I will not move to Missouri" conversation. "You see that building over there?" I pointed out to her. "That's the Writer's Guild of America. I live two blocks from the Writer's Guild. On Thursday they're having a panel on GLBT projects in Hollywood. Where else in the world could I go to such a thing?"
The panel was called "Gay Today in Hollywood: A Status Report." Writers, producers, and agents, most of them from the GLBT community, spoke on the panel. The highlight for me was Dustin Lance Black (Academy Award-winning writer from Milk), and hearing him talk about getting his project made. He shopped his script around for a long time, hearing "no" after "no" after "no." Then someone said "Maybe this could be a TV movie..." and it was Mr. Black's turn to say "no." He held on to his script until he was sure that it was in the right hands. He knew how great the movie could be and how much impact it could have. So he waited, held onto his idealism, and it paid off.
Another person on the panel was Liz Feldman, who writes for the Ellen Show. She's currently shopping around a sitcom with a lesbian lead. She's also gotten a lot of "no"s, but she told us that she's committed to sticking with the project until it gets picked up.
I found the panel inspiring to go to. This city, with everything it offers, can be a very inspiring place to live. There is so much to be found, if you look hard enough and if you know what you're looking for. I don't know if I will live here forever. I do have fantasies of moving (mostly because my curiosity loves to contemplate new territory). But as far as I know, it's the closest thing I've ever really found to begin to call home.
OK, so it's sweet. It's sweet to want to have the family all live near each other. But my family does not live near a city like Kansas City or St. Louis, but rather near the Arkansas border and a notorious little place called Branson, which is like Vegas without the gambling, booze, and titties (uh, so what's Vegas without the gambling, booze, and titties? Riiiiight... Think "good clean fun" with lots of fiddles, corny jokes, and patriotism).
Not to sound like a snob, but there are few places that could begin to satisfy me socially, culturally, and professionally. Even here, with everything this city offers, I have yet to fall in love - really fall in love with Los Angeles. I've lived here for 6 non-consecutive years (4 and then 2), but I still think it can one day happen.
Lately I have found myself thinking that I'm really lucky to live here, and that there are not many places in the world where I can do or see ____. Case in point. I recently joined a radical spirituality group. And it's...radical. Last time we met, a body artist came to share with us his experiences on the intersection between pain, ritual, and spirituality. Then with several candles lit and a couple of people drumming on some bongos, he carved a flower design with a scalpel into a woman's back. "Do they numb the back first?" my Mom asked me. "No, Mom - that's the point. Using pain and ritual as a transformative process. A spiritual transendence." OK, so I don't expect everyone to get it. But that's the point; there's enough people in L.A. who do, and who can come together and support such an endeavor.
My mom and I were walking near my apartment during this "Why I will not move to Missouri" conversation. "You see that building over there?" I pointed out to her. "That's the Writer's Guild of America. I live two blocks from the Writer's Guild. On Thursday they're having a panel on GLBT projects in Hollywood. Where else in the world could I go to such a thing?"
The panel was called "Gay Today in Hollywood: A Status Report." Writers, producers, and agents, most of them from the GLBT community, spoke on the panel. The highlight for me was Dustin Lance Black (Academy Award-winning writer from Milk), and hearing him talk about getting his project made. He shopped his script around for a long time, hearing "no" after "no" after "no." Then someone said "Maybe this could be a TV movie..." and it was Mr. Black's turn to say "no." He held on to his script until he was sure that it was in the right hands. He knew how great the movie could be and how much impact it could have. So he waited, held onto his idealism, and it paid off.
Another person on the panel was Liz Feldman, who writes for the Ellen Show. She's currently shopping around a sitcom with a lesbian lead. She's also gotten a lot of "no"s, but she told us that she's committed to sticking with the project until it gets picked up.
I found the panel inspiring to go to. This city, with everything it offers, can be a very inspiring place to live. There is so much to be found, if you look hard enough and if you know what you're looking for. I don't know if I will live here forever. I do have fantasies of moving (mostly because my curiosity loves to contemplate new territory). But as far as I know, it's the closest thing I've ever really found to begin to call home.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Tying the Knot
In a little over a week, the CA Supreme Court will hear oral arguments about the validity of Prop 8. Since the election last November, the GLBT community and our allies have mobilized in unprecedented ways - protests, rallies, marches, vigils, demonstrations, boycotts, viral videos, blogs, conversations, the white knots, people coming out of the closet, straight people postponing their own marriage until the right is granted to all - the commitment, energy, and passion toward this effort has been incredible. Of course, we all know that the decision of the CA Supreme Court will be huge - setting an example, good or bad, for the rest of the country and the world. On Wednesday, March 4, the evening before the Supreme Court's hearing, there will be events all over California to send a unifying message that equality should not be up for a popular vote, and that the purpose of the constitution is to protect minorities and to make sure that the law treats everyone fairly. You can check out The Eve of Justice website for more info. I plan to go to the demonstration here in downtown L.A.
Also, a short little plug for Milk, which won two Academy Awards last night - the DVD is now on pre-order from Wolfe Video. Yes, you can buy the film at your local Walmart (oh, but dear God - why??), but if you want to support a small, independent, queer-owned business (who in turn supports filmmakers like me), I recommend buying it from Wolfe!Related posts:
MILK - does a body good
And the fight continues
I believe
The Right Side of History
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The Right Side of History
I realize I'm preaching to the choir here, but let's get a couple of things straight. The GLBT community and our allies are not sore losers.
First of all, Prop 8 shouldn't be something that people vote on in the first place. Civil rights are not voted upon by people. The majority has no place to decide things for a minority. A democracy is not just defined as "majority rules." Taken from dictionary.com, a democracy is also - "a state of society characterized by formal equality of rights and privileges" and "political or social equality."
To preserve the essence of a democracy, a majority vote does not always prevail. In this case, the CA Supreme court has agreed to hear cases that challenge Prop 8. The argument for our side says that it should be deemed unacceptable a) because it constitutes a revision of, rather than an amendment to, the constitution, and b) Prop 8 violates the separation of powers doctrine under the constitution.
It always amazes when I think about how our forefathers got it "right" way back in the day - "all men are created equal," "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness," and the separation of church and state. Granted, "all men are created equal" did not mean the same thing then as it does today. But I think the brilliance of the document lies in the fact that it has always been something for us to aspire to. We are not quite there - yet. It's almost like the constitution is full of goals instead of self-evident truths and rights.
The separation of church and state, or rather lack there of, is a huge problem. We do not have a separation. When you file for a marriage certificate, you do not become legally married until you have a ceremony. It doesn't matter where you do it, but you must do it. The fact that someone can go to a church and become married in God's eyes and in the government's eyes at the exact same moment, weds the function of church and state. These things should be separate. The state should consider you married after you sign the paperwork, and if you choose to have a ceremony in a church before or after that, that should be a separate transaction. As such, there is no distinction, for many people, between civil marriage and religious marriage. The fact is, it is not the state's business to determine who is fit to get married, who can have their love legally sanctioned and their sexual relations deemed appropriate. Marriage is a legal contract between two people. For the state to determine who can and cannot enter a contract with another person is ludicrous. As such, the state has no real business "marrying" people. Its only function is to facilitate the rights and responsibilities that both people agree to take on.
I've had two straight friends of mine ask me what we hope to accomplish with these protests. While it seems obvious to me and many other people, I have to think that the question is still valid. I tell them that there is hope that the courts will deem Prop 8 an inapropriate revision to the constitution. But I'm quick to say that it's more than just that. This is a movement, a civil rights movement. Things happen because people get involved. They raise awareness, they start talking about it. Never before have our straight allies stepped up to the plate so significantly. Keith Olbermann would probably not just wake up one day and say "Hey, today is the day I'm going to talk about gay rights." Or if he had, it certainly wouldn't have been as passionate, persuasive, or as poignant as it was. Things like this are happening because we're causing them to happen. The comedian Wanda Sykes just recently came out of the closet because of Prop 8. I met a lesbian at Butch Jamie's DVD release party last night who told me she wouldn't have been there before Prop 8. Really, prop 8 had an effect on the release party? It sounds silly, but it's true. She told me that prior to the proposition, she was disconnected from the GLBT community but was OK with it. But after it passed, she wanted to get more connected. It may seem inconsequential, but it's not. There are thousands of people across the country, potentially millions across the world, that are in some small way modifying or changing their life because of this. Small changes lead to big changes; there is no other way.
A video titled Why Do We Protest? on YouTube Answers the question with these simple facts:
-We cannot marry in 48 states
- We can be fired for being gay in 31 states
-We can be removed from military service
-We are not protected under federal law
-We will no longer be ignored
It is not true that protests do not accomplish anything. All civil rights movements have happened because of the number of people who took to the streets to stand up for what they believed in. For the queer community, the Stonewall Riots 40 years ago kicked off the modern day GLBT movement that we are now living. Everything happens step by step - one thing happens, then another, then another, and then one day Ellen comes out of the closet and the world is never the same again. Seriously.
I've read some comments online that say gay people should just accept this and get over it. To quote George Bernard Shaw - “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” I understand, as I wrote in a post a few days ago, that the difference between myself and my opponents is that I am in favor of change and they are not. We can agree to disagree on this, but it doesn't change the fact that change is happening and will continue to happen. You can fight it while we facilitate it; you can maybe slow it down if you're lucky, but it is impossible - impossible for you to stop it. I love the sentiment our movement embraces - "We are on the right side of history."
Lastly, I understand why many religious institutions are riled up about this. I truly do understand their position, regardless of my desire for them to believe otherwise. But this isn't about religion. This isn't about God, sanctity, or tradition. Your God, and your Bible, and your church can believe whatever it wants to. These things have no place in our government. The fact that the President of the United States has to be Christian or he won't get elected is bad enough. For a country that was founded on religious freedom, our Puritanical roots run far deeper than they should. The fight over same-sex marriage is no more than the fight over the relationship between church and state. I hate to break it to you, but it's time for a divorce. And we shouldn't be part of the custody battle.
With that said, here are some more photos from the protest here in L.A. last Saturday -
First of all, Prop 8 shouldn't be something that people vote on in the first place. Civil rights are not voted upon by people. The majority has no place to decide things for a minority. A democracy is not just defined as "majority rules." Taken from dictionary.com, a democracy is also - "a state of society characterized by formal equality of rights and privileges" and "political or social equality."
To preserve the essence of a democracy, a majority vote does not always prevail. In this case, the CA Supreme court has agreed to hear cases that challenge Prop 8. The argument for our side says that it should be deemed unacceptable a) because it constitutes a revision of, rather than an amendment to, the constitution, and b) Prop 8 violates the separation of powers doctrine under the constitution.
It always amazes when I think about how our forefathers got it "right" way back in the day - "all men are created equal," "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness," and the separation of church and state. Granted, "all men are created equal" did not mean the same thing then as it does today. But I think the brilliance of the document lies in the fact that it has always been something for us to aspire to. We are not quite there - yet. It's almost like the constitution is full of goals instead of self-evident truths and rights.
The separation of church and state, or rather lack there of, is a huge problem. We do not have a separation. When you file for a marriage certificate, you do not become legally married until you have a ceremony. It doesn't matter where you do it, but you must do it. The fact that someone can go to a church and become married in God's eyes and in the government's eyes at the exact same moment, weds the function of church and state. These things should be separate. The state should consider you married after you sign the paperwork, and if you choose to have a ceremony in a church before or after that, that should be a separate transaction. As such, there is no distinction, for many people, between civil marriage and religious marriage. The fact is, it is not the state's business to determine who is fit to get married, who can have their love legally sanctioned and their sexual relations deemed appropriate. Marriage is a legal contract between two people. For the state to determine who can and cannot enter a contract with another person is ludicrous. As such, the state has no real business "marrying" people. Its only function is to facilitate the rights and responsibilities that both people agree to take on.
I've had two straight friends of mine ask me what we hope to accomplish with these protests. While it seems obvious to me and many other people, I have to think that the question is still valid. I tell them that there is hope that the courts will deem Prop 8 an inapropriate revision to the constitution. But I'm quick to say that it's more than just that. This is a movement, a civil rights movement. Things happen because people get involved. They raise awareness, they start talking about it. Never before have our straight allies stepped up to the plate so significantly. Keith Olbermann would probably not just wake up one day and say "Hey, today is the day I'm going to talk about gay rights." Or if he had, it certainly wouldn't have been as passionate, persuasive, or as poignant as it was. Things like this are happening because we're causing them to happen. The comedian Wanda Sykes just recently came out of the closet because of Prop 8. I met a lesbian at Butch Jamie's DVD release party last night who told me she wouldn't have been there before Prop 8. Really, prop 8 had an effect on the release party? It sounds silly, but it's true. She told me that prior to the proposition, she was disconnected from the GLBT community but was OK with it. But after it passed, she wanted to get more connected. It may seem inconsequential, but it's not. There are thousands of people across the country, potentially millions across the world, that are in some small way modifying or changing their life because of this. Small changes lead to big changes; there is no other way.
A video titled Why Do We Protest? on YouTube Answers the question with these simple facts:
-We cannot marry in 48 states
- We can be fired for being gay in 31 states
-We can be removed from military service
-We are not protected under federal law
-We will no longer be ignored
It is not true that protests do not accomplish anything. All civil rights movements have happened because of the number of people who took to the streets to stand up for what they believed in. For the queer community, the Stonewall Riots 40 years ago kicked off the modern day GLBT movement that we are now living. Everything happens step by step - one thing happens, then another, then another, and then one day Ellen comes out of the closet and the world is never the same again. Seriously.
I've read some comments online that say gay people should just accept this and get over it. To quote George Bernard Shaw - “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” I understand, as I wrote in a post a few days ago, that the difference between myself and my opponents is that I am in favor of change and they are not. We can agree to disagree on this, but it doesn't change the fact that change is happening and will continue to happen. You can fight it while we facilitate it; you can maybe slow it down if you're lucky, but it is impossible - impossible for you to stop it. I love the sentiment our movement embraces - "We are on the right side of history."
Lastly, I understand why many religious institutions are riled up about this. I truly do understand their position, regardless of my desire for them to believe otherwise. But this isn't about religion. This isn't about God, sanctity, or tradition. Your God, and your Bible, and your church can believe whatever it wants to. These things have no place in our government. The fact that the President of the United States has to be Christian or he won't get elected is bad enough. For a country that was founded on religious freedom, our Puritanical roots run far deeper than they should. The fight over same-sex marriage is no more than the fight over the relationship between church and state. I hate to break it to you, but it's time for a divorce. And we shouldn't be part of the custody battle.
With that said, here are some more photos from the protest here in L.A. last Saturday -
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