Gary, Gary, Not So Contrary

A couple of months ago I interviewed with Gary Garver. Gary does entertainment PR for Howard Stern and he has a weekly internet show called "Almost Live with Gary Garver."





I've been waiting quite awhile for the interview to be uploaded, and now I'm thinking that it may not be uploaded at all. I'm not sure why; I do have some theories but I can't say for certain. Nevertheless, the experience was quite entertaining, so I'm going to go ahead and briefly tell you about it.

I was one of 5 guests; the others included a rap group, a singer/songwriter, a producer/actress, and the Ukulady. The Ukulady is, quite simple enough, a lady who plays the ukulele. She makes up her own comedy-type songs to go along with it.

Interestingly, Gary didn't know that I was a lesbian before we shot the interview. And perhaps even more interesting, I didn't know that Gary had recently had a fight with a gay guy whom he called a f***in' faggot.

Here's the gist of our interview:

Me: Butch Jamie...yadda yadda yadda....lesbian.
Gary: Oh. So... are you a lesbian?
Me: I am.
[Pause. Gary's usual sarcastic wit has failed him]
Me (smiling): It's OK, Gary. You can make jokes; I can handle it.
Gary: Oh no. No, no, no. Nope. Uh uh. No way.
Me: I see; so that's forbidden territory, huh?
Gary: Uh huh.
Then Gary launched into what seemed like a 10 minute monologue about how he got into a fight with this gay guy - not necessarily because he was gay, mind you.

However, all things considered, our interview went more or less well despite the fact that Gary seemed uncomfortable for most of it. After detailing the fight he had, he apologized to the gay guy and to the gay community for what he did. Then we had a semi-intellectual conversation about gay rights and the progress we've been making in our country. He somehow went off on an impassioned tangent about homeless veterans, and I chuckled at one point because his seriousness was so out-of-place with his usual crass remarks and crude jokes (and also because I had consumed two to three cans of Bud Light backstage along with the rest of the guests, having made the decision that nothing that night was really anything to be taken seriously).

Indeed, Gary's assistant was like a half-awkward, half-bad ass 1990s grunge rocker guy taken out of Wayne's World.


Everytime he came backstage, he would make sexually inappropriate comments; but his Wayne's World-esque boyishness did make him somewhat endearing despite his lewdness. After he left the room, the Ukulady would look at me with her Fraggle Rock-type outfit (pigtails, orange fur coat, turquoise tights), and say in her high-pitched voice - "Michelle, we're in Man-Land!"

The whole night was definitely a surreal experience, and the fact that I don't even have the video to prove it makes it all the more elusive...

But I do have a video of the Ukulady singing the theme song from the Golden Girls. It's not as good as watching the actual show (Gary's show, the Golden Girls, or Fraggle Rock) but - well, you get the idea.


Hollywood - gotta love it :)