Last weekend I went to Santa Barbara for a screening of the film. I had no expectations and ended up having an excellent time. Butch Jamie has been on the festival circuit for a little over a year; during that time I've attended ten festivals, and have traveled around the world and back twice. Sitting in the movie theater during the show this time, I knew that things were coming to a close. And I was ready for them to.
I took a Psychology class when I was 14 and we were supposed to come in and discuss what our favorite fairy tale or story was when we were younger, and what that possibly said about us. My mom told me I loved "Frosty the Snowman"; that as soon as we'd finished reading it, I'd want to read it again and again. As you probably know, Frosty comes to life and there's all this fun and magic that happens, and at the end of it he melts. But before he does, he tells the children "I'll be back again someday."
It's interesting when I look at the way I've chosen to live my life - almost in seasons, with projects, people, places, and things coming and going. I'll confess to you that it was always my fear, as a creative person with a lot of ideas and interests, that I would never finish a project of any longevity. That I would end up with half-written scripts and partially formulated ideas. When I think back on the process of this film, starting nearly four years ago, my endurance has been the most rewarding for me.
For the past year, I've been asking myself "what's next?" "When's it's coming?" "I'm ready for the next chapter of my life. Hello, hello, where is it?" I have been in limbo for awhile - much longer than usual, and it's been a bit uncomfortable for me. I see this film as a sort of bridge from my past life to my future life, and it's been a very long bridge. But I know that part of embracing change is learning to sit with the stagnancy. I always tell myself that things wait to happen until we're ready. We may want to be ready and we may think we are, but most of the time we're not.
I don't believe that life is random and chaotic. It's smart - much smarter than us. It knows when we're ready, and sometimes it gives us a moment of clarity if we're able to listen. As I was watching the film for the 100th time, sitting alone in the third row with the audience completely behind me, I said to myself - "It's now. I'm ready now."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I know how you feel! Being in limbo is one of the hardest stages to be in, but you're right -- we'll move forward when it's right. It think our patience is always being tested, and trusting in that stagnant stage is part of realizing that we want to move forward to the next thing when it's not meant to be...yet.
I was in SB this weekend too, I was over at the Bacara -- where were you?
Hey, I wish I would've known you were in town! It would have been fun to see you. I just went to your blog and saw that you said you were going.
I stayed at the El Prado Inn on State Street. I'll be posting photos soon. It's so f-ing beautiful there.
Post a Comment